Visit Tasmania | Government Approved Version 🥔

Hello, the Tasmanien Government wishes to inform you that the Juice Media’s latest Honest Government Ad which calls out our bullshit ahead of the coming election has been removed from this platform because it showed a photo of our Premier a crime that carries a penalty of up to 1 year imprisonment under our Electoral Act Sure this violates our Constitution’s implied freedom of political communication and sure we’re weaponising our Electoral Act to silence our critics but thankfully our Elector

al Commission doesn't have a choice but to follow our shit laws So they sent The Juice Media an email ordering them to take down their video In what we regard as a clear victory for The Free Speech we’re pleased to introduce this rectified version of the The Juice Media’s Honest Government Ad which has been edited to comply with the Act by replacing the illegal photo of our Premier with one that is approved under Tasmanian law You may now enjoy the video safely, and legally Under the watchful ey

e of our Glorious Supreme Leader of the Peoples’ Democratic Republic of Tasmania who will remain here throughout to ensure it doesn’t breach any other authoritarian laws Visit Tasmania Land of wilderness and home  to countless vanishing wonders Affordable rents Year 12 completions The swift parrot And of course, Liberal Governments That’s right, after being driven  off the mainland for being utter bastards in every other State and Territory Tasmania is a refuge to the last  Liberal Government in

Australia Which is why here at the Tasmanian Government we’re very much shitting our  dacks about the coming election Hello I’m from the Tasmanian Government We’ve been running Tassie for the past 10 years and as you’ll discover on your visit, we’ve  left no corner of this island unfucked One in four Tasmanians live in poverty half of us can’t read good shittons are homeless and our hospitals are so full, the  sick have to wait in ambulances and lots of them died But nobody’s been betrayed more

than our youth many of whom have suffered human-rights and sexual abuse under our watch in hellholes like this Have we closed the hellhole? No. But we have promised to  crack down on youth offenders Will this populist wank address  the causes of youth crime? No Will it send even more kids to the hellhole? Yup, but that’s a price we’re  willing to pay to win this election Coz we’re a Government with Heart Yes, Tasmania - we know  you want us to fix all this We hear you That’s why, if elected, w

e’ll invest this  much in health, housing and education Just kidding! We’ll blow  it all on a fucking stadium Sure it’ll cost over a billion dollars  after the inevitable cost blowout which you’re on the hook to cover But look! It’ll have a roof over it Unlike Hobart’s homeless people Ok, so it’s a shit deal But we have to do it coz the AFL said… “If you build it, we will come” And here at the Tassie Government when  outsiders tell us to sell out Tassie, we do it That’s why we’re letting these

foreign-owned  companies farm Atlantic salmon in our waters Sure they’re shitting all over our marine life pushing the Maugean skate to extinction contaminating our shores with antibiotics  and firing explosives at seals but look at the benefits for Tassie Despite billions in profits the tax they’ve contributed these past  three years comes to approximately… fuck all Maybe that’s why we’ve had to  slash millions from your hospitals which, unlike the salmon industry,  is a major creator of Tassie

jobs Are they at least responsible? Fuck no Tassal’s Canadian owner was  kicked out of Washington State for breaching environmental laws there And Huon’s Brazilian parent company is  linked to illegal deforestation of the Amazon Oh and its owners bribed almost 2,000 politicians Cool and normal Why are we selling out Tassie to these shitstains? Rest assured, it’s got nothing to do with those $4,000-a-head fundraising  dinners we hosted for them But that’s not all we’re selling out Visit takayna

where we’re letting this Chinese state-owned mining company build a dam to dump its toxic tailings Fuck you masked owl Visit the Styx Valley where we’ve extended native logging to 2040 So this can be turned into paper,  coffee cups and shit-tickets Fuck you swift parrot Does logging native forests help our economy? Aww sweetie, our state  forestry runs at a huge loss which means you are paying to  destroy your own natural heritage Fuck you Tassie taxpayers Sure the federal government gave us  mi

llions to conserve our native forests but we’re gonna log them anyway Fuck you taxpayers on the mainland Even though they are critically important  carbon sinks to combat global warming Fuck you world! When you put all this together you might be thinking of not voting  for us at the coming election Thankfully, you can also vote Labor coz they’re almost as good  as us at selling out Tassie making deals with the pokies lobby extending native forest logging keeping our political donation laws weak

keeping the hellhole open building the bullshit stadium and being shills for  multinational salmon companies Tassal! Approved by Albo Whatever you do, don’t visit this site which shows which candidates to vote for if you want a government that serves Tassie rather than these guys So vote wisely, Tasmanians coz this election, you will decide if the last of the Liberal Governments will stay or be wiped off the map of Australia You know what to do, Tasmania Please! We’ll even throw in a chocolate

fountain Visit Tasmania Come down for shitfuckairy Authorised by the Department  for Bread and Stadiums