What To Do When People Treat You Like A Doormat - Jocko Willink and Echo Charles

what do you do when people treat you like a doormat and then when you finally put your foot down they lose their minds I try to be agreeable but there's a limit when I stand my ground people are act shocked in the advice yeah so this is actually kind of the same thing right you'd need to be balanced because what's happening with this dude I assume is that sitting around getting getting like a pushover like a doormat people are kind of walking all over then all of a sudden he does a instant 180 a

nd goes it puts his foot down right and now you think that they're gonna do a 180 you think that they're gonna say oh sorry I didn't mean - oh sorry echo I didn't I didn't know that that offended you I'm sorry no when you do that they're like what's wrong with you you know you just started tripping yeah yeah you're freaking out over nothing so of course when you stand their ground they're gonna be shocked right which is what you're saying happened this is like no surprise at all so what you need

to do is is draw the line a little bit earlier but without going nuts and I think I got a good example of how you do this okay let's say you got a dog and the dog is like kind of mellow and happy and just doesn't just all good and then like all of a sudden you know you're walking by the dog one day and wow it bites you on the arm like like big time yeah big time how do you feel about that dog yeah bad I don't like that dogs getting put down Yeah right just this dog right let's say a bit one of

your kids oh yeah that dogs getting put down okay so that's that's what this guy is doing all acting all like everything's like nothing bothering me and all of a sudden biting people think about what a dog like a normal dog does what a normal dog does is it's if it starts getting offended a little bit it starts getting problems it's it like stands up a little bit right and then it's gonna it's gonna growl now that's an indicator so even a kid even a child knows I don't know what age but pretty y

oung kids know that a growling dog is a is is a warning what else do dogs do dogs show their teeth that's another warning like hey that's another line in the sand and barking right because you have to bark and I mean a dog barks at you in a dog barks unit it's got your attention it's growling at you you know what's gonna happen next if you keep doing whatever it is you're doing right you're gonna get back away from that dog now if you get off the bug dog did all those things to you and then it b

it you you'll still be mad at but you at least know you kind of had it coming right right yes sir so so there you go that's what this dude needs to do a little bit of he needs to learn how to growl a little bit mm-hmm how it'll bark a little how to show your teeth little how to just stand up posture correct because there's you know a dog if you know dogs at all dogs have a posture mm-hmm and they have a posture their ears are down and they're they're their tails down when when they get fired up

boom ears are up they're on alert that back is they get the cackles can stand up and everything that means like okay that's easy that's even before growling that's happening alert so this dude needs to learn how to come to an alert improve his paw increase his posture in those moments not when it's getting too far but like when someone need when somebody gives you a little jab you know you can't bite them you got a little give a little growl yeah back them off a little bit you know and again thi

s is I don't know you you know so it's hard for me to say some people just have a hard time dealing with when people harass them yes because I think the best thing to do when somebody makes fun of me is just to like the hats yeah good one you know like because you know just like we were talking about before we started this podcast if I let you know that whatever you just said to me bothers me bro I can expect you to just keep getting after that until I snapped so you got to be careful you don't

want to be all hypersensitive the other thing to remember is man when people are making fun of you sound like they hate you most of the time yeah you know it's it's not that big of a deal like people talk smack to each other yeah right people talk smack to each other and and I guarantee this is this is this is a good way to think about it if someone talks smack to you if you in and then you both leave let's say it's at work you go home the other person that was talking smack goes home you go hom

e you're thinking about it that person that was talking smack didn't think about it one millisecond after he left the office he doesn't care he's not sitting there thinking about you he's not thinking like men man I'm really glad I told you know he had a funny looking eyebrows that was awesome I can't know weird his eyebrows are like I mean that's like he's not doing that right he's not even thinking about it he just went home he's carrying on his life carry on with your life yeah don't get all

tied up about what these other people are thinking of you it's not that big of a deal don't sit around thinking about it's it's a it's a perception that we have that the whole world revolves around us and then people are sitting around thinking about us all the time it's like they're not thinking about you all the time they don't care they're there at home there's not too many people that are actually thinking about you all the time especially if they're making fun of you like they're they're no

t thinking about that all the time so just relax take a wrap off and just you know try and have a little bit less tension and you know and try and learn to grow a little bit or at least protect your space a little bit and these are kind of contrary contradictory things that I'm saying one of them's like hey laughs I did the other ones like kind of learned to growl a little bit I would say first the first method is better the first method is like hey just laugh it off don't worry about it these p

eople aren't thinking about you they don't care then probably it's like when we had jordan peterson he was talking about his friend lunch bucket right lunch bucket the guy that worked in and as soon as everyone realized that it bothered him that they called him lunch bucket everyone just called him lunch bucket and then they he quit because he couldn't handle it so don't be if you if someone calls you lunch bucket you're like oh yeah my mom makes a good sandwich mom makes a pretty good Sammie yo

u know and then boom you break out the lunch bucket they're like you know go with it no no factor yeah you start freaking out about this stuff it's gonna drive you crazy so yeah be careful don't freak out about stuff if you have to learn to stand your ground a little bit but don't just start snapping good dog yeah like a rabid dog yeah that that that is a good little escalation that example a dog thinks because sure I mean getting treated like a doormat that could look like a bunch of different

things you know it's teasing that seems like the obvious one or whatever but you know that could be a lot of stuff yeah that could be like hey grab me some coffee yeah right sometimes people just do that cuz you haven't ever said to him like hey you know like hey man are you ever gonna get me coffee well you know you just make a joke about the same thing yeah exactly like dealing with it like as it you know if something bothers you so the and I could see this may be happening cuz every once in a

while like you know you kind of run into these scenarios where like someone does something that you you don't really like or you don't I don't appreciate the way they treated me right there during that scenario and it sort of always happens but it's too small to make a big deal out of it at that time and when you're a agreeable person yeah you're just like all right yeah I'm gonna essentially I'm gonna let it slide whatever you know but it happens again then again but I'm agreeable I'm letting

it slide haha maybe I'll even laugh it off whatever so to the other person they're just like whatever they're just so how you said they're not thinking about this is good about their business and they're getting a laugh here and there which instantly gets forgotten and whatever they keep going about their business no no no factor meanwhile in my head I'm like man I'm tired of this I'm straight-up so it happens one day maybe I got a little less sleep that day or something one teeny-tiny thing I'm

flying off the handle hey I don't appreciate this this and that you do you always do it and they're like because even if I did I didn't get any so then you get this little reputation people act shocked as the guy says you know when I stand my ground it's the other person it's kind of like why are you standing your ground right now does it make sense like even if I did remember all the times I've done this you were laughing the whole time like it doesn't compute it was already now that I know wh

at I think I think about times my life like when I was younger and someone would stand their ground on me or whatever and I'd be like what are you talking person that you're talking about saying what are you talking about man like I have no idea what you're talking about yeah why are you freaking out right now yeah and then you off like that and maybe I put together okay maybe I do make whereas now that I'm older if someone was to freak out like that on me I would instantly recognize thinking my

self like you know what I probably do things that I shouldn't I probably oh yeah I kind of ride this person that's why they're freaking out right now yeah a little bit more aware yeah of my impact yeah and but in a way you sort of had to I mean I'm sure you've sort of you're sort of familiar with this you know even like painting that picture it's like it's obviously you're familiar with you you know but when it's happening to you you're kind of not but then if you have to go go back and do like

some investigation of your whole like relationship with a person to understand okay now I see how that could have been interpreted back last year and then maybe three months ago and then maybe last week and then like right now okay I'm after you know then it it but it doesn't compute naturally you know so yeah if you do that the escalating dog yes thing it'll it'll be more clear I think yeah maybe an escalated dog only escalate the dog scenario if you can't just have a good time with it and rela

x and not worry about it yeah which is the primary goal yes but being treated like a doormat like I said like if you know like people are just so you know people people please their type of person like in a relationship or something like um you know like I can't think of an example but of a movie references very pathetic anyway if you're like a people-pleasing you do everything for you know and then they don't do it back you know kind of thing like oh yeah you let your you know husband or wife o

r whatever you let them go out every Saturday just because they want you they want to go play poker or you know one of these things that what's the common thing that they do and they do and they come back late on drunk but no way it'll be way worse than that it'll be just total like whatever you need or want you got it and then like the one time they say hey I want to go shopping on this whole shopping well you got to do this you got to do the kit you know like that kind of work where it's like

a disproportionate like relationship you know kind of thing like that can I can see how it can go down with those types or you know like beneath it you can't just laugh those things off know in life you know you do have to do the escalation of just be like hey that's a little bit more serious yeah true