When People Talk About Their Kids | Sarah Millican

it's lovely to be here do miss my little dog when I'm on the road I've got a little dog he's adorable he's a rescue dog he's very sweet he doesn't get on with other dogs so that's the one problem we have with him we will bark at all of the dogs but I just use the fact that he's a rescue if that comes up so see I'm out walking him and he barks at another dog the other owner will look at me like control your dog and I'll just turn to her and I'll say I'm really sorry but he's a rescue and then she

'll turn to me and she'll say I'm so sorry for what he's been through when the truth is his AA died and we got him that's what he's been through you can't do that with blocks can you go blocks fighting in a PO you can't go I'm really sorry but he a rescue just found him wand around deim on his own and we've checked and he's not married cuz he hasn't been chipped the dog hurt his paw a few months ago hurt his paw so rang the vet and it was out of ours so go straight through to the vet herself she

said what's the problem I said the dogs hurt his pow she said which paw and I said it's his left hand she said here what I said his left hand she said you mean his for leg I said I don't know it didn't go to university like you did flower to me it's his left hand I know what you think and you think I humanize the dog I know that's what you think and [ __ ] off I don't I don't humanize him [ __ ] off I don't so I took his little was gun off and I took him to the V got him all bandage up brought

him home my husband was away at the time and I thought I should probably ring him let him know what's going on so I did he said what's the matter I said the dogs hurt his Poe my husband said which Po and I thought what's the [ __ ] fascination with witch po it's not like it's the one he writes with said it was his left hand my husband said his what I said his left hand hand he said ah you mean front passenger [Applause] side the dog sleeps downstairs his choice he sleeps on the sofa and then in

the morning when he wakes up he comes up to our bedroom and every single day he asks permission to get on the bed it's adorable he PS the side of the bed with both hands hands and then our wig up and I go go on then and he jumps up on the bed and sort of little spoons May kind of Lies here like this we all fall back to sleep against for another half an hour or so it's adorable the other day though having fallen back to sleep again I woke up because he was growling and I thought what's he growlin

g what's going on here what had happened because they're sort of loose in the night one of me boobs had landed on his head the dog is very little my tits are not poor little bo he look he didn't get cold between them he be [ __ ] dead we've got two cats as well we've basically got pets instead of kids give us a cheer if you have got kids give us a cheer if you've got pets instead there's not as many of us but we're [ __ ] happier AR we I've got a friend who just had a baby I don't know anything

about babies I said to her I said how long can you leave a for and my friend was like you can't leave babies on there I said can you not that's rubbish I can leave the dog for 4 hours and I'm so rubbish with kids I was in a shoe shop you know the little city sitting under trying the shoes I sat on one of those and a lady sat right beside me and she pushed her boogie in front of us both and in the Boogie was a little girl who sort of turned to me as if to start the conversation I panicked a littl

e bit this is out of my comfort zone but I thought let's just see how it goes she turned to me and she went what's your name and I thought oh this is going to be a piece of piss I already know the answer to question number one I said my name's Sarah and then she went what's your hair what's your hair what kind of [ __ ] question is that with my self-esteem I fact like she's been quite judgy if I'm honest and she was looking at me and going what the [ __ ] happening here like so I just asked who

our dad was and she didn't know and it got really awkward well my friend who has the baby also has a 2-year-old she has a 2-year-old and a three-month-old both little girls and I went to visit them and the baby was a little bit fractious and my friend said do you mind well I saw the baby could you look after the little one I said of course cuz I thought how hard can it be to look after a 2-year-old she'll definitely tell me when she wants to go outside for a away and I've nearly always got meaty

snacks in me pocket today going to go down a treat later on she's lovely very chatty the whole time cha cha chat cha cha chat but I couldn't make [ __ ] head and a tail of anything she said she's at that weird sort of gibberish age where she's just looking at me and going haa Tata tapa tataat I start to to say yes to see if that would kind of move her on yes didn't work and in the end the kitchen door opened and my friend had the baby like this and she went she's trying to tell you about Peter

Rabbit I said is she [ __ ] the only thing I understood out this kid's mouth the whole time I was there I was reading a book to her and I got a bit distracted by the pictures and I said look there's a bird and there's a lady bird and she looked me straight in the eyes and she went read on but I always think what I hear when kids talk to me is probably what step fry hears when I talk to him like I think I'm saying something really eloquent and well thought out and he just hears I like chips what'

s your hair thanks for watching you know what would be great is if you liked and subscribed I'm so NY I'm so sorry H and why not come and see me live and the tickets are available at serin .co.uk put the kettle on and settle in