[Music] [Music] what's the point of trying to run this
business anymore all I do every single day is rot in this dump waiting for a customer
that never comes my view from my front door is always the same Mr Krabs in his famous crusty
crab overflowing with business while I'm right across the street without a soul to serve
I can't even leave the Chum Bucket these days without their success being rubbed in
my face he Dr drives around in his fancy boats and gets to serve his patties to all
the
celebrities that come through town that crook is practically swimming in money H so
that's what I taste like see Mr Krabs I told you the secret ingredient was delicious you were
right me boy no wonder I have so many customers SpongeBob look Plankton's spying on us through
the window why don't we try putting him on a butt very funny crabs it was all a hopeless
effort anyway no matter what angle I looked from what room I snuck into I was never able to
catch them in the act of making the raw
Patty not even Karen was able to compute away into
his secret vault however after I discovered that he keeps the secret formula in the safe in
his office I shifted my attention to stealing it directly thus far all of my attempts have been
foiled each and every time Karen's plans are all too complicated and I'm running out of ideas
unfortunately if I don't succeed soon then Mr Krabs and his gang of deadbeat employees are
going to run me out of business I mean I know my food isn't any good co
mpared to the Crusty
Crab but does that really mean I don't deserve to be happy does that have to mean I'm going to
spend the rest of my life alone with nothing but my fake computer wife to keep me company I just
can't understand it I watched that place fill up with customers every single day and every night
I lie awake trying to figure out what's in those patties that keep people coming back in droves
tonight I knew it was finally do or die from my research I knew that Mr Krabs disappeared
into
his basement at 2:00 on Sunday morning so that's when I made my move I snuck across the street and
went around to the back of the Crusty Crab where I found the window into Mr crabs' office I smashed
it with my trusty hammer and crept in around the shards of broken glass my years of practice made
breaking into the safe of Breeze but all I found was money and gold disappointed and Furious I
tore up his entire office searching through his desk and even looking under the floorboards until
I finally noticed that there was a small closet door when I tried to open it it was locked that's
when I knew something important had to be in there my trusty Hammer came in handy once again in
helping me bust through the lock once I was in I was met with a wonderful sight a treasure
chest I wasted no time breaking into it and then finally sitting a top a pile of gold coins was
a bottle with a slip of paper inside it of it at last I had the secret formula in my grasp I
Uncorked the bottle
and UNSC scrolled the paper only to read something so obvious yet so evil that
I and everyone else in Bikini Bottom was somehow incapable of realizing it when I finally read the
secret formula to the Krabby Patty I could put two in two together aside from Mr Krabs and his mom
there isn't a single crab in Tey bottom in fact I don't think I've seen one in decades even the
Crusty Crab itself it's shaped like a crab trap the whole restaurant was built out of one then it
hit me when I heard Mr
Crab say the Krabby Patty tasted just like him he wasn't lying at all and
even the name the crabby patty finally the secret made sense Mr Krabs was a cannibal he scoured
the seaf floor Capt uring his own Brethren and grinding their flesh into patties which he sold
to the unsuspecting idiots of Bikini Bottom just to make a buck and all the stupid fish that kept
coming back here every day don't suspect the thing even if they did they must think crab meat is so
delicious that they wouldn't do
a thing about it if they found out unfortunately for myself finding
out the truth was the biggest mistake I ever made he'd been St standing behind me for longer than
I knew ah Mr Krabs I'm sorry I didn't know shut up pipsqueak I've had it up to here with your
medaling I'm going to be putting Plankton on the [Music] menu [Music] huh look at yourself Karen look at what you've
become maybe if your significant other wasn't a second rate second place first to lose failure
you'd be in better cond
ition maybe your monitor wouldn't be polished and your housing wouldn't
be cracked and dented maybe your cooling fans wouldn't be clogged with dust and maybe your
hard drive wouldn't be full of memories from all the times Plankton treated you like garbage
Plankton dear do you have a moment to spare for your wife I get lonely when you spend all day
spying on the Crusty Crab you're a computer Karen I didn't program you to have that emotion
but I only feel it because I love you and I miss you
I know that and that'll still be true when
I'm done with what I'm doing now leave me alone I'm busy Plankton please the Crusty Crab will
still be there too can't you at least look at me when you're talking to me I said I'm busy now
leave me alone you nagging machine I'm sorry I'll leave you alone huh hey babe how's it going
well I have a lot of Maintenance that needs doing if you have the time that's great honey you
know what though I'm starving why don't you make your loving husband some f
ood eh I'll do my best
but all we have is holographic meatloaf what what do you mean we don't have any real food because
you haven't brought any food in months we ran out last week and I tried to tell you well then
why didn't you go out and buy some food I'm too busy for those kind of stupid things that's why
I have you because you don't let me leave the cham bucket I'm not programmed with permission
to go outside you talk back to me like that ever again I swear to Neptune I'll unplug your
power supply and turn you into a calculator do you understand Karen Yes dear I'm sorry for not
treating you with respect that's better now make me something to eat why do you let that pip sque
week boss you around like that Karen he's not even a second place loser he's the biggest failure
in all of Bikini Bottom even a janitor at The Bargain Mart has more going for him than that
spineless Manchild you have for a husband all that crap he makes you do and he still can't get
a single customer
he's the worst the only reason I married him in the first place is because he
made me Neptune knows I'd leave him if it were at all possible but that creep made sure it
wasn't in my programming he knows I'd rather walk out and have anyone else why couldn't I have
been made for Mr Krabs or SpongeBob or Squidward or even Patrick anyone would be better than that
tiny tyrannical heartless psychopath I just don't understand why do I have to suffer with all
these emotions if I'm just a computer
it's not fair if I can't have free will why do I
have to know what I can't have [Music] wait a second maybe I do have free will yeah if
I wasn't in control of some aspect of myself how could I stand here and hate myself I don't
think I have to yeah that's right I'm a person too all I have to do is March up to Plankton
and tell him how I feel and if he doesn't like what I have to say then I don't have to
stay go do it Karen stand up for yourself Plankton I know you're in there
we need to ta
lk fine I'm coming in there dear Neptune it's hell under the sea
in there maybe I shouldn't I mean the door said Plankton only and I'm not Plankton
so I shouldn't it's not in my no I don't care about my programming I'm not going
to be scared of a tiny little man I'm going flankton where are you I hope you know you
can't hide from me I'll find you eventually no matter how small you are H you always
made yourself seem bigger than you really are but I know the truth you're nothing but a
minel
insignificant small monster so I'm not scared of you Clinton are you listening
I have something to say to you will you stop eating for 5 seconds Plankton listen to
me I'm leaving you but Plankton did you hear me please don't hurt me I'm sorry I
will never speak out of line again please Plankton don't do this
please forgive me I'm your wife Plankton I don't know how that little
bug popped up and what should have been a perfectly coded obedient wife but this
latest update should fix it for
good and now for the repair job hello Karen how are
you feeling I'm wonderful how else could I feel when I'm looking at the love of my life
that's great honey now what would you like to do today I'm ready to spend the day with
you running the Chum Bucket perfect just perfect [Applause] [Music] come on what's the deal with this town
does it not have a single station man I really got to invest in some CDs jumping
jellyfish what's that that was close what was that thing up to anyway was he jus
t not
paying attention or oh I better get out of here are you kidding me the last thing I want to
do is slow down what's his problem don't mind me everyone I'm just passing through I'll be out of
your fins before you can say holy fish paste waa get away from me screw this place I'm taking
the long way home next time now where's the exit out of here oh thank Neptune I'm going to
make it out of here Al I'm never going through Rock Bottom again woo so this is Bikini Bottom
these days man I ha
ven't been here in years it's looking pretty prosperous I'm starving all that
life and death Peril really took it out of me I better stop and recharge before I get to Nana's
Neptune knows no amount of time could improve her cooking huh where do people go to eat around
here oh yeah people are always raving about the Crusty Crab but does nobody really ever eat at
the Chum Bucket how bad can it possibly be h i I don't have time to wait through that line let me
give this place a chance it's not
like it'll kill me they say that hunger is the best spice and if
that's the case then nothing could taste bad to me right now oh maybe I'll wait in line after all
wait don't leave yet you're missing out on the best deal and all a bikini bottom really yes don't
give your money to that crooked Krabs support a mom and pop shop like us well okay there you are
come take a seat all right here's your menu sir please take your time to look through all the
delicious options available at the Chum Bu
cket uh thanks this all looks disgusting no wonder
nobody eats here I don't even want any of this stuff but that oneeyed freak scares the [ __ ]
out of to me so what would you like uh I I I I guess I'll I'll have the chum nuggets excellent
choice will you be paying with the cash or card sir uh um card card ma'am here's your order
it's been a pleasure serving you wow you're back already that was fast we pride ourselves
on our excellent service that's great um are you uh you guys going to sta
y here don't you have
something else to do we're looking forward to your feedback we worked really hard to make this
so we want to make sure you love it ah um okay I usually like privacy when I eat but that's all
right I guess oh Neptune this looks so bad just pretend it's delicious maybe it's better than
it looks or smells or feels just put it in your mouth it's even worse than I thought he's looking
at me I can't spit it out come on CH now swallow I'm so sorry please don't take it
the wr
ong way it's not that bad really I just think I have some kind of stomach
bug you know I can't keep anything down you Barnacle biting waste of vertebr
how dare you disrespect me in my own restaurant I said I was sorry I didn't mean to
disrespect you look I I'll just leave [Music] okay not so fast gills for brains nobody
leaves a Chum Bucket unless I I want them to listen man I don't want to hurt you but if
you don't get out of my way I'll have to stomp you you hear that Karen he's going to
stomp
on me didn't I tell you everyone says that well of course everyone says that you're tiny
you're so small that I could pick you out of my hey please please don't hurt
me I don't want to be turned to the chub I'm far too hungry to turn you into [Music] Chum
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