Every Time You Actually Feel Sorry For Squidward 🥺 | 1 Hour | SpongeBob

For once, act your age! [squeaking] [crying] [crying] Fine, act like infants your whole life. See if I care. I'll be returning to my grown-up lifestyle, so keep it down! Squidward! [groaning] [mumbling] Hey, he's mumblin' and droolin' like a little baby. Oh, I don't know, Patrick, he isn't looking so good. He should probably see a doctor. Come on, let's take him to the hospital. Hang in there, buddy. We'll have you fixed up in no time. [groaning] Hmmm? [babbling] So what's the prognosis, doctor?

Your friend has a condition known by the medical term of Head-go-boom-boom-itis. Not to worry, though, he should recover normally over time, but he mustn't receive any more blows to the head or he may remain this way permanently. Just care for him as if he were your very own bouncy baby boy and he'll be fine. [crying] There, there now, no need to cry. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shush, shush, shush. Shush, shush. Everything's gonna be okay. [crying] Hey, don't worry, he'll- he'll be settled down in couple o

f minutes. [crying] [crying] [crying] [crying] [crying] Hop to it, boys. We haven't even taken our first order! Yes, Mr. Krabs. You know what to do. [laughing] Thanks, Squiddy. I can also count on, huh... Will this be for here or to goo? [laughing] We have to work on your penmanship, Squiddy. [laughing] My face! My face! Also my leg, but mostly my face! Hey! Are you going to take an order or what? [dinging] [crying] Squidward! Yelling at a poor, defenseless baby! You oughta be ashamed! Listen, m

an! I'm done playing these baby games! [sniffing] Oh, my Neptune! [crying] - Oh, what is that? - What is it? What in blazes is going on around he... Whoa! Mr. Squidward! Where are your manners? Mr. Krabs, watch his head! Watch his head? Why don't you watch his diaper? And get it changed! Yes, sir! Yes, sir! - Oh. - We're eating here! Sorry! Hey, I'm trying to walk here! Sorry! Hey, I was gonna get ketchup there! Sorry! Okay, Squiddy! Hold still! And, oh, boy! Are you out of your ever-loving mind

?! We can't change that baby out here in front of the customers! Take him in back where the food is prepared. [groaning] Oh, that's it! Get that poopy baby out of me restaurant! Mr. Krabs, if my poopy baby isn't welcome here, then I'm not staying either! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! [crying] [gasping] Squidward! What the? Where am I? What's going on? Oh, Squidward, you're back to your grown-up self. Of course I'm grown-up! Why wouldn't I be? Am I wearing a diaper? Yes. Is it f

ull? [screaming] Sorry, Squidward, I was gonna change ya, but I got interup- Stop! Not another word about this. Ever! Kids, they grow up so fast. Krabby Patty! Krabby Patty! Krabby Patty! All right! I am gonna- I don't know what I am gonna do- ♪ She'll be comin' Around the Krabby Patty ♪ ♪ When she comes! ♪ [screaming] SpongeBob, you nincompoop! You broke my face! Don't just stand there, help me! I need a doctor! Hiya, Squidward! I've been practicing how to flop on my back. [muffled shouting]

We can't really have you in here today. I'm going to be removing Squidward's bandages and he made me swear to keep you far away from him. It has been two weeks already? Don't worry, doc. I promise to stay out of the way. Okay. As long as you stay on the other side of the... [sighing] Right. [gasping] I... I... I can't believe it. - SpongeBob? - Yeah? How does it look? Great Neptune. Come on. Spit it out. I can take it. Time for your medicine, Mister... Mister... Mister... Handsome! Ohhh... What

did she call me? Handsome. But she spelled it wrong. Quick, hand me that mirror! What the...? Wait a second. That nurse was right. I am handsome! Squidward, you're not handsome. You're a hunk! [cheering] Well, I'm gonna go clip my toenails Squidward, don't forget to enjoy being handsome. Oh, don't worry. Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Huh? Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! Well, better go greet the co

mmoners. Handsome! Handsome! Handsome! SpongeBob! You gotta help me! They stole my bubble bath! Public life ain't all it's cracked up to be. I want my old life back. Hmmm... I know just what to do. Squidward? What have you done? You know what the Krusty Krab means to me, don't ya? And you took it upon yourself to bring all these, these customers, to me. Hey, don't worry folks, there's plenty of Squidward to go around. So everybody just line up and get your pocketbooks out. For a small fee of $14

.98 per person, everyone will get the opportunity to touch Squidward. We don't have much time! Take the door and change me back. And I'll even throw in a free soft drink for an extra $3. Come on, SpongeBob. Take the door and smash my face back! I can't! It was one thing doing it by accident, but I can't hurt you on purpose. You better hurt me or I'm really gonna hurt you! Well, okay... Now don't hold back, SpongeBob. Just really let me have it. Just remember, Squidward, this is going to hurt me

more than it's going to hurt you. Uhhh... okay, just let me just memori... Dooowww! Hey, I wasn't ready. Would you mind waiting ‘til I... Hang on, you're starting to look like your old self again. Nope. Still too handsome. It's still not working. Maybe I'm not doing it hard enough. Uh... hang on a sec... let me... uhhh... Eeee! Squidward, you're even more handsome now! [cheering] And the crowd is in a frenzy. Well, SpongeBob, it was you who got me into this mess, now you have to get me out again

! I know, Squidward! I'll think of something! Huh! I just need, I just... [slow motion] Got me into... Squidward! Look out for that falling shoe! Huh? [screaming] [squeaking] Squidward. SpongeBob? You're back! Oh, Squidward I love you no matter how many times we smash your face. I almost wish that meant something. What are you doing? Oh, I ran out of lemons, so I'm squeezing this. That won't work! Hmm? Wha... It could use more fire hose. One fire truck lemonade! [Squidward screaming] [groaning]

- Here you go. - Yum! That's delicious! Hello! What are you selling? Lemonade! Black lemonade! [gasping] Black lemonade! A unique taste sensation! I'll have another. [slurping] Huh? SpongeBob, cover for me while I go get some more. Sure, buddy. [knocking] I said I will not- [gasping] May I borrow a cup of squid squeezings? [screaming] [laughing] Thank you! Ooh, I think you'd better get some more black lemonade, buddy. Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, more. Here, kitty kitty. Oh, here, kitty kitt

y. Oh, who's a good kitty? [humming] [sighing] [humming] Huh? Hmm? [screaming] I hate spiders! [whimpering] Hyah! [whimpering] Boo. [screaming] [laughing] Thank you! Please! No! [doorbell ringing] [doorbell ringing] Hello? [whimpering] I've lost it. I can't tell what's real anymore! [screaming] Boo! I'm a haunted tablecloth! [screaming] [music playing] Not creepy nursery rhyme music! [creaking] Dada! [screaming] Thank you, Daddy! [screaming] The Krusty Krab? How did I wind up here? I don't think

I want to go in. This newspaper is dated 60 years into the future. I can't look! I'm afraid to see. Please, no. [gasping] May I help you, young man? [screaming] [screaming] Squidward, if you want to buy some black lemonade, you'll have to get in the back of the line. Yeah, wait your turn like everybody else. What? Black lemonade? You've been selling this as a refreshment? [yelling] Oh, yeah, this is the life. And best of all, there's no SpongeBob here to ruin it. Oh, boy, surgery! And on my fir

st day too. SpongeBob? No! What are you doing here? Nighty night, Mr. Tentacles. Wait, wait, no, no, no, no! Oh, hi, everybody. Hi, SpongeBob. Doctor, the patient's over here, and he's ready for you to begin. Oh, we're most eager to see which tool you select first. Hmm, let me see. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Phew. Here we go! [yawning] Oh! [laughing] Okay, SpongeBob, this can't be too hard. Just make an incision here, and- no! Shoot! Son of a gun! Ah, my bad. I'll take that. Ah-ha! Mmm, sushi. Eee. He's,

uh, really going to pieces over this nose job. [laughing] Oh, [chuckles] thank you! Let's try again, shall we? [whistling] Order up! [dinging] [applauding, laughing] Yow! That shouldn't be in there. Ooh! What? Oh. Ta-da! [applauding] Nurse, sponge. Thank you, nurse. I can't see! I can't see! I want to see! [grunting] I still can't see. [screaming] Ta-da! [applauding] [humming] There we go. You can wake him up now, nurse. [groaning] What- what happened? I finished your nose job, you silly goose.

Take a look. SpongeBob, you idiot! This isn't even close to what I wanted! Well, why didn't you say so? Oh, nurse! Wait, no, no, no! I want a different doctor! I- No! [squeaking] No! [trumpeting] No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No-o-o-o! [sobbing] [snapping] Stop! I don't want to change my nose anymore! SpongeBob, I'll do anything! Anything at- How's about the Squidward Classic? Hey, not bad. This looks even better than my old nose. Well, I did have to use a few of your other body parts to re-s

culpt it. D'oh! Look at the time. I have to go to work. But you're a doctor. You're at work. No, I'm just a fry cook. But it was fun playing with you guys. Bye! Fry cook? Ooh. Don't be afraid, ladies. This sinus Adonis is on the market. [gasping] Uh-oh, I'm late for work. You think your machine could zap me over to the Krusty Krab? Always did wanna try a critter. Sure, why not? Get in there, SpongeBob. Whoo hoo! Hold on tight. Gee, Sandy, this sure feels... Well, here we go again. Hey, Squidward

! [laughing] What's going on with this thing? What in tarnation? [gasping] Hi, Sandy! I'm not sure what it is, but something seems different about me. Yeah, me too. Hey, what are you doing with my hand? What am I doing with your hand? Ahh! What is this? We're all mixed up together. This is horrible! I have my clarinet recital tomorrow! Oh, it's not so bad, Squidward. Now we can be best buddies and do everything together, forever. [screaming] Sandy, was this your doing? You've got to get us separ

ated! Well, I wish I knew how. Well, you have to do something! I can't stay stuck to him! Hmmm, I wonder what would happen if I tried zapping you back in the transporter. Uhh, yeah, yeah, yeah, good idea. Let's do it. Well, here goes nothing. All right, children. Today's Timmy's birthday. You know what that means. Ready, Timmy? [screaming] It's no use, Sandy. We're still the same. Well, that's a darn shame. You know what, I was working on the blueprints for a new invention. But it's still in the

embryonic stage. Try anything! I cannot go to my clarinet recital like this. I'll continue working on it. In the meantime, you boys keep your head up. Together forever. Misery. Ladies and gentlefish, Bikini Bottom's Community Rec Center is proud to present: Squidward Tentacles. [applauding] Ooh. Honey, I'm scared. [mumbling] [gasping] Oh. Uhh, hi. Whoa. [laughing] Rock on, freaky bro! Yeah. Whoo! Whoa. Look at that. [cheering] Wow, they really liked it. [laughing] There you go, Squiddy! [cheeri

ng] They... they... they're cheering. Superstardom. This must be what it feels like. This is what it looks like. What it [laughing] sounds like. And, [smelling] what it smells like. Oh, simply intoxicating. Whoo-wee, there you boys are. Looks like I'm just in time. Sandy? One blast of this Molecular Separator Ray and you'll be separated for good. No. No, wait Sandy. [gasping] [grumbling] They lost me. Hmph. [SpongeBob cheering] [audience booing] I think I'm going to be sick! Ah, I'm out of here!

Huh, no, wait. Wait! [grumbling] Oh, my one moment of fame... gone. There's got to be some way to reverse this. No, Squidward! That's a very sensitive device! Squidward, I wouldn't-! So, what seems to be the problem, Mr. Tentacles? It all started when I was born. I'm gonna go somewhere far away. Somewhere far from those two, watching public television on my TV. PFAH! They wouldn't know real culture even if it hit them like a truck full of cement. Oh. [mumbling] [screaming] [buzzing] [groaning]

[screaming] Day five, I think. I've been waddling these fields. I'm hungry, tired, and lost. The only good thing about this is no SpongeBob. Jellyfish Fields. [whimpering] [laughing] What is that thing, Patrick? I dunno. Let's get a closer look. [groaning] Hi, stranger. I am SpongeBob. [sniffing] [toilet flushing] [muffled growling] [screaming] Wait a minute. Maybe he's not a monster. Maybe he's an endangered species. We should help him. Yeah, help him. Go away! Can't you tell nobody wants you?!

You're endangered! Not like that. With lots of love and affection. We can take care of him. [muffled shouting] Well, Smelly, here you are. Your new home. Oh, Smelly, this is going to be great. We'll be one big happy family. Let me show you around. Here's your bed, Smelly. [muffled whimpering] - Here's your food bowl. - And some kibble. You can live here forever and ever. [crying] Oh, look, Pat. He's crying tears of joy. Well, Smelly, there's one more family member you haven't met. Smelly, meet

Gary. Aww, look at that, Smelly, Gary likes you. [screeches] Gary, no! Wild animals don't belong here, son. They belong in the zoo. Get 'em, boys. [groaning] [sniffing] [muffled screaming] Smelly! Mommy, what is that thing? I don't know, but it's hideous, isn't it? [laughing] This isn't good. You're absolutely right. It needs mustard. No one should be treated like that. Not even someone as ugly as Smelly. Something needs to be done about this, and I know exactly what that thing is. [whispering]

[muffled talking] Fear no longer, dear Smelly, we are here to rescue you. Understand? We are taking you home. Look how excited he is. Flip the switch, Patrick. Smelly, you're free! You're surrounded. There's no use trying to run. Run, Patrick, run! Whoa, where are we? Let's go ask those guys. Um, excuse us? Hey, they look just like you. Go, be with your real family. Go ahead, Smelly. [groaning] I know you've come to think of us as a family, but it's better this way. [sniffling] I'm going to miss

him, SpongeBob. Me too, buddy, me too. But he's with his kind now, where he belongs, and on that note, let us go back to where we belong. Ah... salutations, my children. Are you ready for your daily dose of smooth jazz? [excited murmuring] [cracking] [chuckles nervously] Um... hi. Oh, boy, what fun. You lose. Did you see that, SpongeBob? I almost got that on my first try! My work here is done. They don't call me Squidward 'Manual Dexterity' Tentacles for nothing. Well, why don't I give it a tr

y? Haha, good luck. You'll- Winner! It's a bear! I'm gonna call you Barry. Hmph, beginner's luck. Now it's the master's turn. Loser! Wow, Squidward, you flipped him over! That takes an awful amount of skill. Well, thank you for saying so. Barry says he's getting lonely. Don't worry, Barry, I'll get you a friend. Ha! If you think you're winning that thing again. Winner! There ya go, Barry. Oh, I loosened that one up for you. You would've never won that without my skill. Wow, thanks for your he

lp, Squidward. Hmph. I bet I win at this thing the very next time I try. Now all I have to do is... At a quarter a pop, this thing pays for itself in no time. Ha! I'm not falling for that malarkey. Just once! Please, oh, please, let me win one time! Squid, I think you have a problem. No, he doesn't. You don't listen to him, Squidward. You keep playing until you win! What's this? The deed to my house. Okey-dokey, then. Carry on. [sobbing] If I can just win once, I'd never play again! [sobbing]

Hey, you want me to tell you the secret of how to win on this machine? [gasping] SpongeBob, there's a secret? Mm-hmm. Tell me... the... secret. - Are you ready to be a winner? - Yes. - Yeah? - Yeah! - Yes? - Yes! - Yeah? - Yeah! - Yes? - SpongeBob! The secret?! Okay, Squidward, okay. I face the crane. Deposit my quarter. Then I close my eyes. Close your eyes? Quiet, Squidward. I'm being the crane. - Oh, that's ludi- - Winner! See? Now you try. This is ridiculous. If I close my eyes, how will I

know where the- Squidward, do you wanna win or not? Yes! Yes, I do! Okay, Squidward, put your quarter in. But this is my last quarter. In the machine, Squidward. Okay, okay. Close your eyes. Now be the crane. Be the crane. Be the crane. Be the crane. Winner! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! I knew I could do it! [laughing] I'm a winner! You're a winner! I am a winner, aren't I? Winner, winner, winner! Winner! SpongeBob, look. Uhh, Squidward, I don't think the same principles apply. Be the crane. Wait, Squidward

! Be the crane. He did it. Yay, Squidward! Be the crane. Be the crane. Be the... You know this guy? Yeah, that's Squidward. He's got the magic touch. Ding! Ta-da! [screaming] Squidward, open your eyes! Oh, uh... be the crane. Be the crane. Look out, SpongeBob, I can't stop! Be the crane. Be the crane. Be the crane. Okay, don't be the crane! Don't be the crane! [screaming] What the...?! Oh, my, oh, my. Time to go, Teddy. Just where do you think you're going, crane master? You ain't going anywhere

. [whistling] Hang on, buddy! I got ya! I guess I can only pick up toys. [workers growling] Uh-oh. Whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo whoo. [groaning] Ah. By the all seeing eye. Ye are worthy, we are not. What are you two idiots doing? Secret ritual. To inaugurate you as president. Me? President of Bikini Bottom? I knew the people would come to their senses. No, silly. Not the president of Bikini Bottom. Even better. Better? You're the president of 'The Secret Royal Order of the Good Neighbor Lodge'. The

what? Is this some stupid club you two made up? [gasping, laughing] Maybe. [laughing] It's a secret. [laughing] Fine! As my first presidential decree, uhh, why don't you, uhh, go out and paint all the leaves on the trees to make the neighborhood look nicer? Now out, out, out, out, out, out, out. That'll keep them busy for a few Sundays. [shrieking] What color should we paint the leaves, your presidentialocity? Ahh! Polka dots! Now don't bother me anymore. Wow. Polka dots. Our new president is a

genius. Yeah. [laughing] See ya later, Squidward. There are only 3 hours of my Sunday left. They took it all away. I didn't even get to read the Sunday paper. [squeaking] [growling] Good neighbors, my right. Hello? [laughing evilly] System activated. Well, that oughta do it. Let's see those imbeciles try to get in here now. - President Squidward? - Ah! What the...?! We hereby present you with this delicious cake. "Sorry for bugging you so much"? What the...? Security system, help! Intruder aler

t! Intruder alert! What's the matter with you?! No threat detected. Oh! You infernal contraption! I'm gonna ship you off to the scrapheap you came from! Threat detected. [screaming] Now, what's going on? Threat detected. Code red! Code red! [laughing] It's like a carnival ride. Run for your lives! [yelling] What the...?! What are you doing?! [screaming] Fire! Wow. Squidward's house is destroying the neighborhood. We gotta turn this thing off. Nope, not it. [toilet flushing] Nope. Nope. That'

s not it, either. This Sunday relaxation really hits the spot. Hmm, where to look. Hmm, this off button seems suspicious. We did it, Patrick! President Squidward? No-no, don't say anything more. This was all my fault. I was the one who wanted to relax on Sunday. Now, if you'll be so kind as to leave so I can get ready for work tomorrow. - Mr. President... - Shush. But, we just wanted to... Get out of my house! Huh? There he is! Are you the owner of this house? Yes! Yes, I am! Then on behalf the

citizens of Bikini Bottom, I present you with this summons to pay for the destruction of our town. You'll be doing community service every Sunday for the rest of your life. Huh? Hey, Squidward, you got one of those, too? This'll be great. The three of us cleaning up Bikini Bottom. Well, see ya next Sunday, President Squidward. Yes?! Squidward, you don't have a happiest memory? So what? How can you live without a happiest memory? Do you cry yourself to sleep at night? I hear you crying all the ti

me. Well, with joy, Squidward, with joy. Look, I don't need a happy memory, so just get back to your culinary grease factory and leave me alone. Hey, I'd like to order a Krabby Patty, please. [sobbing] Okay... can someone else take my order? [crying] I'll wait. You're right, SpongeBob, I don't have a happiest memory. This is horrible! Don't worry, Squidward, I'll help you make a happiest memory. [sniffling] Really? Do you think you can? No problem. Well, it's against my better judgment, but, oka

y. [squealing] [music playing] Why are we at the art museum? Well, you love art. Maybe you'll find a happy memory in here. Great. I get to see all the art of people who have succeeded where I've failed. My art will never be shown in this... Ooh! What the? This... this... this is my sculpture! How did it get here? Ooh! You're just in time! Art lovers, this is Squidward Tentacles! Creator of this piece! Ooh. Wow! Your work in a museum, Squidward! Gosh! I can't believe it! I think this might be it!

Your happiest memory? Yeah! And now the performance artist Fiasco will say a few words about this piece. Gosh! Fiasco himself is talking about my art! Ahem! Squid... ward... go toward... the light... of my flamethrower! [gasping] Ooh. [clapping] And now he's melted it. Not a happiest memory. Um... it's kinda smokey in here! You need fresh air! [phone ringing] That's strange, I could have swear I just threw that darn phone away. Oh yeah. My fax machine. Now, why did I buy that again? Hi, Squidwa

rd! You sure are a hard man to get a hold of! [sniffing] Hey, do I smell brownies? Yes. Thanks for stopping by. (sighing) Meow. Meow. Thanks Gary! I have to find a way to give Squidward a happiest memory. These pants may be square, but it's time to think outside the box! You're not SpongeBob. I have a package for a Squidward "Tentaclees"? "Tentacles." Yes that's me. Well, here you go. Thanks. Doesn't say who's it from. No doubt SpongeBob's hiding inside. Ah well, here goes nothing. Gotcha! Huh?

It's empty. Empty, just like my miserable life! I see nothing but darkness ahead... SpongeBob!? [muffling] [muffling] Surprise. I figured what you needed was a party to help cheer you up. Unfortunately, everybody I tried to invite was busy or sick, but don't worry, I used my paper mâché skills to fill the party with your favorite person: me! So what do you think? Happiest memory or what? You don't seem to understand. I... don't... want... a... happiest memory! Are you enjoying the hors d'oeuvres

? Hi-yah! [laughing] I feel wonderful! [laughing] This is it, my happiest memory! [sighing] He's so handsome! Boarding school. [scoffs] [knocking] Oh, well, it's just one day out of your life, Squiddy. How bad can it be? Oh, Squidward! [crying] [bell ringing] Good morning, class. Would everyone please take a seat? Psst. Squidward, sit here. Here. Um, excuse me, there doesn't seem to be any empty seats left. But there's one right next to SpongeBob. Do you mind? Don't worry, Squidward. We're boati

ng buddies now! I'll teach you everything I know, and then we can... We won't be doing anything, because there is no we! - Understand? - Quiet in the front, please. Oh, I understand. I understand perfectly, boating buddy. Okay class, why don't we get to know our new students, by telling each other why we were sentenced to, I mean why we are enrolled in boating school. Um, I got caught speeding. Very good. Next. I don't see what's so very good about it. No, I didn't mean very... [sighing] I know

what you meant. Next. Oh, I am here because I... We all know why you're here, SpongeBob. What about you, sir? - What? Me? - Yes. Would you like to tell the rest of the class, why you're with us today? Why I'm... All right, I'll tell you. I was trying to get away from him! He is the bane of my existence! Yours too? Uhh... what I meant to say was, please come up to the chalkboard and draw a diagram of the incident. Gladly. It all started when I left my house. And then, he appeared. He made an imme

diate right turn and parked... here. Seeing the oncoming hazard, I looked both ways and proceeded safely toward my vehicle. It was then, that I realized that I was being followed at an unsafe distance. So, in order to create more optimal driving conditions, I was then forced to par-take in [screeching] evasive action. [groaning] And by increasing speed slightly, I created a safety cushion, while in-invertenttly attracting the attention of said law enforcement official. Now, we're going to take t

his nice and slow. SpongeBob, what do we do when pulling away from the curb? Uh, step on the gas? Good. Nice and easy. Now let's slowly... [screaming] SpongeBob, look out! [buzzing] SpongeBob, give me that wheel! I got it, I got it! Don't... just let go of it! [screaming] Hooligans! [screaming] [dinging] [screaming] [honking] [screaming] Okay class, it's time to take our final exam. Please have your pencils ready. Psst, hey, boating buddy? If you need any help, I've taken this test hundreds of t

imes... How many times do I have to tell you?! I am not your buddy! I don't need your help, and I don't need you! Ever! Now, just kindly let me take this stupid test, so I can get out of here and never have to see you again for the rest of my life! Okay, Squidward, if that's the way you want it. Thank you. [grunting] Um. [chuckles] Three more minutes, class. SpongeBob? SpongeBob, I need your help. Two more minutes. SpongeBob, please? This is important. You said you didn't need my help, Squidward

, and that you didn't need me. No, no, I didn't. I never said that. I don't need your help, and I don't need you! Jerk! All right, I said it. But that was before. Before what? Before... before- One more minute, class. Before we were... [gulping] boating buddies. Yay! Okay, class, time's up. [bell ringing] Time can't be up! I didn't even get a chance to fill in a single answer! What am I supposed to do? You do the same thing that everybody else does who fails the test. You take it again next we

ek. Next week? Don't worry, Squidward. I've never gotten one answer right on this test. But we'll meet again next week, at Mrs. Puff's Boating School! [Squidward screaming] [music playing] Today on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing something near and dear to my heart, under-appreciated artists like myself. Squidward's on TV? [screaming] Squidward! Squidward! [panting] [knocking] [panting] Squidward, you're on TV! No, really, Squidward, come look! I know I'm on TV! See the camera? You're

on TV too! TV? [laughing] Moron. As I was saying, today, on Squidward Chat, we'll be discussing... [Patrick] Wow! So I ran to tell Squidward that he was on TV and he told me that I was on T, and now you're on TV! I'm on TV?! [laughing] Hi, TV people! And my mouth is on TV! This is disgusting! SpongeBob, you gotta try this! [laughing] Patrick, SpongeBob, get off my camera! [growling] Would you get out of here? Doubt it. [sighing] If you like the camera so much, why don't you be the cam

era man? Camera man? Squidward has his own TV show? Well, you'll just have to hold it, Patrick! Now, if there are no more interruptions... Eat at the Krusty Krab, home of the original Krabby Patty! And remember, we change our grease monthly! Out! [groaning, sighing] ♪ Krusty Krab! Krusty Krab! ♪ ♪ We don't want just you! We want your money too! ♪ Whee, doggy! I can line-dance better than that! Yee-haw! Daddy! I'm borrowing your wallet! Line dancing? Eww! That is so lame. What they ne

ed is my way cool cheer routine. Give me a K! Oh, please. I can cause far more collateral damage than that! Karen, where'd you put my death ray? Go, team, go! Go, team, go! [laughing] Go, team, go! [laughing] My shorts are wet! Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! Fight, team, fight! And eat at the Chum Bucket or perish! [laughing] Get off my set! This is not working! Actually, I'd say the show is doing just fine. At least according to our latest ratings. [laughing] [coughing, cle

aring throat] This is actually a lot by public access standards. Everyone is working out except for you... you... you... and you! Me? And now, Bikini Bottom's top public access show for the last 20 weeks: "Squidward's House Party!" With your host... Zeus the Guitar Lord. Hey, hey, hey, Bikini Bottom. Are you ready to party Squidward style? [cheering, applauding] Thank you for making us number one because I was finally able to get... a new guitar! Thanks, Squidward! [growling] Let'

s party! [cheering, applauding] [laughing] Keep it down! I'm trying to sleep! Hey, Squidward. Okay, I'll bite. What is it, SpongeBob? Do you know what today is? Annoy Squidward Day? [laughing] No, silly! That's on the 15th! Today is the beginning of the judging for Employee of the Month. SpongeBob, don't you know that award's a scam? What do you mean? Mr. Krabs gives you that award, so you'll work harder for no extra money. That is not true, Squidward. He gives it to me because I work harder. Yo

u could win it too if you tried harder. Oh, for what? To get my face on the Wall of Shame? Squidward, you've got it all wrong. Having pride in your work is nothing to be ashamed of, why it's the only thing that makes it all worthwhile. Thattaboy, SpongeBob! This is going to be a tough one though! There's no clear cut winner! [whispering] Watch out, SpongeBob. Squidward appears to be on the verge of a breakout. There might be a new face on the wall this month. Huh? That's right, SpongeBob. I migh

t sneak up on you. [laughing] Huh? [giggling] [screaming] [squeaking] SpongeBob! What are you doing here?! You can't win that award if you don't get up for work! Huh? [chuckles] Stop it, SpongeBob! If I really wanted that award, I could win it with my tentacles tied! That can be arranged. You're a lunatic, SpongeBob! Maybe so, but I did win 'Employee of the Month' 26 months in a row. Are y-Are you trying to say that you are better than me?! I've been better than you for 26 months, and it'll be 2

7 tomorrow. Oh, that's it, square-for-brains! That's it! I'm gonna show you how easy it is to win that award. I'm gonna be the new 'Employee of the Month'! I will prove to you that I am far more competent than you! Well, I'm going in early to wax the floors! That oughta hold him! [sawing] [laughing] [laughing] Huh? [groaning] SpongeBob! Why, you little-! Ha ha ha ha ha. Hmmm, a Krabby Patty! [smelling] Yow! - Squidward! - So long, Sponge loser! [laughing] [laughing] [laughing] [laughing] Ah, it

warms me wallet to see me employees coming in so early. Boys, you're early! Wait! [shattering] Look, Mr. Krabs! Clean floors! Clean tables, Mr. Krabs! Clean dishes, Mr. Krabs! What's going on here?! It's much more efficient to clean dishes this way, Mr. Krabs! No! Flowers and chocolate for you, Mr. Krabs! Look, I'm putting my own money in the register, Mr. Krabs! Two spatulas to increase productivity, Mr. Krabs! Faster, SpongeBob, faster! There's nothing to this patty flipping, Mr. Krabs! I'll e

asily double your output, SpongeHog! Boys, boys, boys! Help! Help! Hey, free Krabby Patties! Hey, look at that. Wait, you've got to pay for those! Wait! Wait! Wait! Boys, the Krabby Patties! So, who's the winner of Employee of the Month? [SpongeBob, Squidward] Me, me! It's me! Boys, the Krabby Patties!