-Welcome, welcome,
welcome to "The Tonight Show"! You're here. You made it.
[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you for watching. Well, guys, everyone is
talking about this. Today,
the House passed a bill that would essentially
ban TikTok. [ Audience "Oohs" ] Can you imagine
if TikTok was banned? I mean, just picture
lying down in bed and then actually going to bed.
You know what I'm saying? [ Laughter and applause ] Apparently, Congress is scared
that TikTok is spying on us. Then Alexa was like... -A
lexa: Yeah. TikTok. That's the one
who's spying on you. Ban it, ban it.
-Okay. Thank you.
Thank you, Alexa. [ Cheers and applause ] Well, apparently both Democrats
and Republicans are worried that China
will steal the secrets of the tortilla slap. [ Laughter ] [ Thwap! ] "You want a quesadilla, huh,
stepdad?" [ Laughter ] It's Taco Tuesday! [ Thwap! Thwap! ] But TikTok is fighting back. Their C.E.O. told users
to call their representatives. Yeah, young people are like,
"First, we're losing TikTo
k. Now we have to make
a phone call? What is going on?!"
[ Laughter ] Well, the head of the TikTok
vote, Nancy Pelosi, tried to explain
the actual purpose of the bill. Take a look at this. -This is not an attempt
to ban TikTok. It's an attempt
to make TikTok better. Tic-tac-toe, a winner. A winner. [ Laughter ] [ Rimshot ] [ Laughter continues ] -China was like, "You know what?
You can have it. We just got the ick.
Don't want it." In an ironic twist of fate, that clip is now viral
on TikTok. [ L
aughter ] Yeah, the House passed a bill
that could effectively ban TikTok,
and Congressman Tom Tillis has been one of TikTok's
most vocal critics. He released a statement
saying... Then he added... [ Laughter ] Then he said... [ Laughter ]
Then he said... [ Laughter ]
Then he added... And then he said... [ Laughter ]
And then, finally, he said... [ Cheers and applause ] Interesting. You hear this?
You guys see this? Apparently, RFK Jr. is seriously
considering Aaron Rodgers and Jesse Ventura as
potential
picks for vice president. Yep, Kennedy confirmed
that Rodgers and Ventura are at the top of his list, which really makes you wonder
who's at the bottom. [ Laughter ] William Hung and the
"Can you hear me now?" guy? [ Laughter ] RFK Jr. was like,
"I want to give it a shot," and Rodgers said, "No!
But I will give it a horse de-wormer."
[ Laughter ] To be honest,
Aaron Rodgers would actually be a great choice, considering
RFK Jr.'s other friends. -I knew Harvey Weinstein, I knew Roger Ail
es,
I knew O.J. Simpson, came to my house,
Bill Cosby came to my house. [ Laughter ] -Well, after the controversy around Kate Middleton's
edited photo, the White House said
that they do not alter anything. [ Laughter ] I don't know.
I'm not so sure, though. Check out this video
they just posted from the State of the Union.
Did you see? Good evening,
my fellow Americans. -This is like --
That looks -- That looks like something... [ Laughter and applause ] I don't know. I have good eyes,
I have go
od eye. I can see that stuff. Some business news. The C.E.O. of Petco
is stepping down. [ Audience "Awws" ] And he used one of those
tiny sets of stairs you put next to the bed
to do it. [ Laughter ] Yep. He held the job
for five years, or 35 in Petco C.E.O. years.
That's pretty good. And finally, I saw
that these mini tote bags from Trader Joe's
have gone viral, and now they're being resold
online for as much as $1,000. [ Laughter ] Yeah, the only thing higher
than those prices are the employee
s
at Trader Joe's. [ Laughter ] $1,000 for a tote bag. Meanwhile, Whole Foods was like,
"What's the problem?" Yeah, we have a great show.
Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen! ♪♪ What a great show
we have for you tonight. This is gonna be
one of our best shows. I mean, we have a giant -- [ Cheers and applause ] ♪♪ -♪ I been drinking absinthe ♪ ♪ I just did the math,
it ain't adding up ♪ -Zayn. Zayn. [ Cheers and applause
continues ] What's Zayn doing here? ♪ Runnin' round
this whole ga
me ♪ ♪ You can know your own name ♪ -Jimmy, look to your right
for my album. My new single, "What I Am," is out this Friday
off my upcoming album, 'Room Under the Stairs,'
available May 17th. Hope you'll check it out."
I will. Zayn, everybody.
That's -- [ Cheers and applause ] Played the song. [ Applause ] Anyway, like I was saying... [ Laughter ] -We have a great show.
-We have a great show tonight. Yeah. She stars
in the ABC series "9-1-1," which returns for a seventh
season tomorrow at 8:00 p
.m. Angela Bassett is here tonight! [ Cheers and applause ] Plus, gosh, this guy's one the
funniest dudes I've ever seen. He's the co-host of
"The Great British Bake Off." He also stars
in the new comedy series "The Completely Made-Up
Adventures of Dick Turpin," which airs Fridays
on Apple TV+. Noel Fielding is joining us.
[ Cheers and applause ] Ah, he's brilliant. And we got great music
from Mitch Rowland, featuring Ben Harper! [ Cheers and applause ] Sounds great. Uh, guys, last night, someth
ing crazy happened
on our show. We had Mike Tirico,
Kelly Clarkson, and Peyton Manning were on, and they actually
announced that they're hosting the Olympics opening ceremony
on NBC this summer. [ Cheers and applause ] So before the show, NBC said
that Mike had a surprise for me. I thought that was the surprise,
that he's announced that they're doing
the opening ceremony together. Kelly Clarkson, Peyton Manning,
it's a big deal. It's like, "Oh, that's cool."
But I was definitely surprised. Watch
this. -If you come to Paris, would you
do the closing ceremony with me? -[ Imitates air horn blaring ] -Are you serious? -Do I have to get on my knee?
Will you say yes? -Are you serious?
-Do I have to get on my knee? I'm asking you.
Please say yes. -Is this real?
-Yes, this is real! -I'm in!
I'm gonna do it! Come on!
[ Cheers and applause ] Let's go, bud!
I'll do it! [ Cheers and applause ] Well --
So... So... I finished this segment, I go to commercial,
I go in the hallway, there's all the NBC
families
in the hallway. Molly Solomon,
everybody from NBC, Olympics, and they --
they're all clapping. They're like,
"Do you want to do it? Do you want --" It's real.
It's happening. I'm gonna do it. [ Cheers and applause ] I am headed to Paris. I'm going to co-host
the Olympics closing ceremony this summer. I had no idea
that it was gonna happen. I knew I was gonna do
something with the Olympics. I'd just go over and watch.
But not that. I'm beyond excited.
I'm beyond honored. I love -- I lov
e France,
I love America, I love the Olympics.
I'm so excited about this. President Macron,
if you're watching -- When are we going over?
So July 26th is when it begins. I don't go over
till August 11th. I'll probably only need
to be there three days. If you give me the guest room... [ Laughter ] ...you won't even know
I'm there. I'll go in. Right?
Just get -- He's got to have
the giant spread over there. Does he live in a castle?
-Of course! -Yes. He's got a giant castle
full of empty rooms. I
could be
a great roommate. Just tell me
where the kitchen is. Uh...
[ Laughter ] And, uh -- and put, like,
little post-it notes on the bottles of wine
you don't want me to drink. I won't. I'll be a good houseguest,
President Macron. Uh, please consider me.
Again, August 11th is when I have to work, so
I can't hang out with you then. Uh, but August 10th, 9th,
we can watch movies together. Do you like --
We'll be like roommates. It'll be fun.
Uh, but I'm excited. I mean, Louis Vuitton,
uh, Saint L
aurent. [ Laughter ] I got to wear a suit
when I do the Olympics. Louis Vuitton, Saint Laurent.
You can't go wrong. I cannot wait to see you, Paris!
I love you. I'm coming this summer.
We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show"!
Come on! Let's do it! ♪♪
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