(light hums) - In 2019, my brother
went to prison, right? He went back, and I didn't want to, yeah, I didn't want him to lose his house. I was staying in North Hollywood. I had my own apartment. I was living the dream, right? But I moved back to Compton, and I was like "What's the
worst that could happen?" Right? (audience chuckles) Six months later, I get
shot at by my neighbor, and I only call him my neighbor, 'cause I no longer feel
comfortable calling him my friend from high school. (audienc
e laughs) All right? This n***a shot at me over
some sh*t that he did. I got shot at over p*ssy he got, right? He has sex with the
wrong man's girl, right? Now, at the time I'm
living in the front house, he living in the back house. It's a one bedroom, one bath shed. It's about as big as this stage. But he had two cars, which screams responsibility, right? (audience laughs) So one morning, this guy
comes over to the crib and keys his car while
it's in the driveway. This happened at 6:00 AM. He s
ees us on the Ring camera from work, comes home by 7:00 AM
to access the damage. By 8:00 AM I get up, and my morning routine
consists of like yoga, smoothies, and meditation. Like most n***as from Compton. (audience laughs) So I noticed my brother's
car is out on the street and he about to get a ticket. It's street sweeping day. So I go outside to move the car. I open the door, I hear, "Sh, sh, pow," right? I look up, and my friend is
standing in the front yard with a gun in his hand, in his dra
wers. Now luckily, the bullet missed me and killed our friendship, right? (audience laughs) I'm in shock. I'm like, "What the f*ck are you doing?" And what he says is more shocking, which was, "My bad." (audience laughs) I thought you was my brother. I'm like, "n***a, girls trips to Egypt "require less unpacking
than what you just said." So I'm like, I gotta evict him, right? He gotta go. It's time to go. I get my gun. I call a friend over to bring his gun, so it's two guns against one. I know m
ath, right? (audience laughs) And I knock on the door. I'm like, "Hey bro, you gotta move." And he goes, "You right." (audience laughs) You know why? Because the easiest time to evict somebody is after they shoot at you. It beats loud music. It beats late payments. I know some of y'all thinking, "J. Snow, why didn't
you just call the cops?" Because he was my friend, and a felon and in possession of an illegal
firearm that I sold him. (audience laughs) All right? I didn't know I had to put, "Don'
t shoot at me," on the receipt. My name is J. Snow. That's my time. Thank you. (audience applauds) (light hums)
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