Physics is Hard | 0rbitalis Review

Fuel reserves: Green. Route: Locked In. Velocity: Confirmed. Systems Check: All Green Lights. Initiating Launch Sequence. Lift off in 3…2…1… Mission Failed. The risk we took was calculated, but man am I bad at math. My name is Graeldon, and I'm reviewing Steam games in Alphabetical order to find the hidden gems among the piles of garbage, and today’s game is: 0rbitalis. And yes, that’s a zero, not an O, because reasons. Let’s begin. As of December 31st 2022, there are 6718 operational satellites

in Earth’s orbit. The sheer fact that we can not only achieve this, but are able to reproduce it time and time again is a marvel, and a credit to the endeavors of many hard working scientists, mathematicians, and engineers. So when the power to launch an infinite number of satellites is given to an average gamer… well… this is the result. Welcome to 0rbitalis, a game about launching satellites into space, and sometimes into a successful orbit. Released in May 2015 by Alan Zucconi, 0rbitalis is

the first of two games they have released onto Steam so far, with the other game being the much more positively received Pikuniku, a game that some viewers may be familiar with, given that it saw some popularity. So it’s certainly interesting to go back to their roots and review a game that, judging by the mixed score, is likely quite a bit rougher around the edges. Interestingly enough though, upon starting the game, the experience is quite smooth. After a short intro animation, you arrive at t

he title screen, and from here a single click sends you straight into the game and boom you’re playing. As much as I love a good options menu, I do have an appreciation for these more seamless experiences that just get you straight into the action, because let’s face it, what’s more likely to get you hooked: Staring at an incomprehensible list of keybinds that make no sense because you have no reference point within the game, or some actual engaging gameplay. Well, it turns out that we actually

need to retract things slightly, because if we rewind a bit, you’ll notice that as the screen fades, there are actually some menu icons that appear briefly. So they’ve actually done a neat treat, because we’ll see later that this is indeed where the menu is meant to appear, but they faded out the animation and pushed you straight into level 1. That’s a nice way to work around the problem, and a solution that most players wouldn’t notice. So, gameplay. What are we doing? What’s this thing? What i

s the line? What’s going on? Well, good luck figuring things out, because not only does 0rbitalis not hold your hand, it basically slaps you in the face with a physics textbook and says “You’re a Scientist Goddammit, figure it out!”. The red triangle is your satellite waiting to be launched, the thick red line attached to the cursor is showing your angle and speed, and the dashed line that turns solid is showing the predicted course the satellite will take. Everything is controlled with the mous

e, so gameplay really does boil down to finding the right time and place to click, but that’s a slightly dishonest way of looking at things, because that actually describes more games than you would expect. It did make me wonder if it was because it was designed for touch screens, but I can’t seem to find the game in either the Google Play Store or Apple Store, so this seems to not be the case. Anyway, you might be wondering what the goal is of each level? In most cases, it’s simply to get your

satellite into orbit for a set duration, represented by a ring that fills up around the screen after launch. If the ring fills completely, you beat the level and move onto the next one. If your satellite crashes into something or flies too far off screen, you lose and the level resets. In a nice touch, you do have an infinite amount of lives, which is honestly just as well, because a large part of this game is trial and error. And there will be. So. Many. Errors. Unfortunately the game doesn’t a

ppear to track how many satellites you’ve launched over the course of the game, but it was… umm… a lot. From here, the game will then allow you to access the main menu, and much to my surprise, there is no options section. However, looking at the controls, we can see that pressing Q will adjust the graphical quality between 4 presets. There’s this one, that one, another one, and the last one. No clue which one is meant to be the best, as all of them cause the game to lag slightly in menus. No bo

nus points for guessing that the game is poorly optimized. From the main menu you can access the Star Map, which is the level selection, laid out like a star chart in a planetarium. It looks pretty, but the poor optimization makes navigating this menu feel absolutely terrible. The map is divided into zones: Alpha, Beta, Gamma, Delta and so on, and each section introduces a new mechanic. The puzzles themselves increase in difficulty at a good pace, but fall into the all too commonly seen trap of

not combining these mechanics in later levels, at least not to a degree that will make you feel accomplished. Some of the more interesting mechanics include multiple suns, suns with reverse gravity, levels with no suns, ones where you need to hit a specific asteroid, and a few where you are racing against an AI opponent - although not really, because they make the same move every time. So it's more like a time limit than anything else. As I said earlier, the goal for most of the levels is to sim

ply stay in orbit for long enough, but there are a few that shake things up by asking you to stay inside a particular zone for the duration, but that’s really about it. All of these are positives, as variety and challenges are what give a puzzle game replayability and longevity, so it’s a shame that some of the achievements completely miss the mark. There are achievements for maintaining a satellite in orbit for 1 minute, 5 minutes, 30 minutes and 60 minutes. On paper, this sounds alright. But i

n reality, once you have a stable orbit for a satellite, it’s really just a question of how long you are willing to let the game run for. To make things worse, the devs double-down by making the global high-scores work in this way as well. This means that there are records that are literally thousands of minutes long, but the only impressive thing about them is the fact they left the game running for so long. “So What?”, you might be thinking, “It’s just achievements and high-scores, most people

don’t really care about them.”. And you’d be right, most people just want to play the game. So here’s the real kicker: With a few exceptions, the moment to moment gameplay just isn’t fun. It’s a lot of trial and error. Click and then watch an animation and hope that you pass the time limit. It’s fine for the first few times, but it grows old pretty quickly, and if you get stuck on a level because you’re trying to get into orbit clockwise instead of anti-clockwise, well you’ll be there for a whi

le. Thankfully, they did include a heat-map style display that shows where and when other players clicked to launch their satellites. However, it’s incredibly misleading because these are just launch hot-spots showing popularity, not necessarily successful launches. As a result, I found that more often than not, the hot-spots hindered more than they helped, and I usually ended up beating the level by just doing my own thing. Setting that aside, let’s say for a moment that you’re intrigued by thi

s premise and not only purchased the game but are actively enjoying it. Well, good news: after beating all the levels, there is also a daily challenge level. Not sure if these are pulled from a pre-made selection that are on rotation, or if they are somehow randomized, but I highly doubt that someone is still creating and submitting these on a daily basis. Oh, and there is Steam workshop support too, with 351 items, so if this game turns out to be up your alley then you’re in luck with a decent

amount of extra content. I think I’ll pass though. 0rbitalis falls into that category of games that I feel like I should like, but it’s missing something crucial to move it from mediocre to good. Well, maybe a couple of things, like those satellites that just got yeeted into the void. Oops. The first thing it really needs is some more polish, specifically to fix the framerate issues, as well as, and this will sound rather harsh, the music. The main menu proudly proclaims “Audio Experience by Dos

eone”, and the fact that it’s not simply “Music By” tells you plenty. In all honesty, while the sound effects are generally good and punchy, the music ranges from pleasant to fingernails on a blackboard level of grating. Some of the music was genuinely unpleasant, sorry. I’m a fan of ambient, especially space ambient music, as it’s great to play in the background while I’m working or writing scripts, but this was one of the few times I found myself searching for a music toggle or slider. For con

text, the last time that happened was Bhop Simulator. Yeah. If I were to drill down further, I think my biggest complaint is that the core mechanic isn’t used in a way that feels fulfilling to play. You pick a speed and trajectory, and then pray. For a mechanic that is meant to be so heavily inspired by science, this feels… wrong. Now, once again, a disclaimer, I’m not a game developer or designer, so take the upcoming thoughts with a hefty pinch of salt, but hear me out. What if the goal wasn’t

to launch a singular satellite into orbit, but actually a target number that changes with each level, and you launch them one at a time. Adding to this, you also have a limited amount of fuel for each satellite that allows you to course correct and achieve a stable orbit, and this fuel needs to be specified before you launch it. There could even be levels that require you to achieve an orbit around multiple different objects. This transforms the game from one of luck and trial and error, to one

of strategy and planning. Give a satellite too much fuel and you might waste it, leaving insufficient for later ones. Plus you’d need to consider how to space them out so that the gravity of each of the satellites don’t interfere with each other and throw themselves out of orbit. It then also changes the goal from “How long did you stay in orbit” to “How quickly did you get all satellites into orbit” and “How much fuel did you have leftover”. To me, this creates far more opportunities from a pu

zzle solving perspective, and would make for a much more engaging experience. One final thing that I need to say about the game, is that the art and the visuals in general are great, and positively mesmerising at times. Some of the scenes would make great phone backgrounds, which coincidentally also feels like a place that a game like this might belong. So with all of that in mind, my final rating for 0rbitalis is: An upside-down cursor, out of ten. You know what it is, and it’s not necessarily

bad, but it just somehow feels wrong. These wonderful channel members on screen are literally keeping the channel alive, and I’d especially like to thank our two Knights of the Holy Grael, Freaky Feline and LoveHeartGonzy. Supporting the Crusade is only a dollar per month, and your soul for eternity, but let’s not worry about the fine print. Lastly, I want to thank you for joining me on this weird gaming adventure through the depths of Steam. If you made it this far, here’s a sneak peek of the n

ext game. Until next time, take care!