SCP-7066 - Zombie Simpsons

There's nothing like winding down for the evening with some lighthearted television! Just grab an ice cold drink, kick up your feet, and get ready to relax and laugh! Wait...what's happening? Your eyes are starting to feel...wrong. Too large for your skull. They widen and bulge, as your body warps and shifts. As it turns out, when you apply cartoon logic to the human body, it gets...ugly. But what could have caused this?! Just watching TV can't hurt you… Right? After a long week at the office, a

ll the businessman wants to do with his Friday night is sit back and indulge in a bit of good old-fashioned channel surfing. It's been his close-of-the-week ritual as long as he's lived in his current apartment building. The building isn't much to look at, and sure the pipes leak from time to time, and he spots the occasional roach scuttling across the bathroom floor, but all of that is worth it for the love of his life: cable television. This building has something no other building in the neig

hborhood does: cable, included in the building's utilities. Most of his peers have turned their backs on cable in this era dominated by streaming services, but nothing beats the pure dopamine rush of switching from his slacks to his sweatpants, ordering a pizza, and clicking from channel to channel the old-fashioned way. But when he hauls his body up the stairs and reaches the door to his apartment, he spots a slip of paper taped to the door. What's this? He inspects the paper, and finds a notic

e from the landlord. No...it can't be...the cable service to the building has been suspended, effective immediately?! He rushes inside and turns on the TV, and his stomach drops. The channels, where are his beloved channels?! They're all gone, replaced with the same devastating static on each and every one. Why would they do this? And with no warning? No, surely there's something he can do. He'll approach this obstacle the same way he solves all of his problems: with a quick Google search. "How

to access tv channels without cable?" He scrolls through the advertisements, until he finds a forum post that might actually be useful. He can reconnect the wires in the cable box in a specific configuration, then carve a symbol into the side of the box with a knife, and it should allow him to access his channels again! It sounds silly, sure, but he's willing to do just about anything that doesn't involve spending any money. So, he unplugs the box, opens it up, rearranges some wires, seals it ba

ck up, and carves in the arcane symbol. All in all, it takes about twenty minutes. He finishes up just as the pizza arrives! Perfect timing! But...will it work? Probably not, but again, it's worth a shot, right? He picks up the remote, and switches the television back on. Much to his surprise, and immediate delight, it works! He has picture again! The channels look a bit different, but that's to be expected. He's just relieved he has anything to watch at all. With that fire sufficiently extingui

shed, he changes into his sweatpants, sets the pizza down on the coffee table, and gets ready for some premium relaxation. He clicks from channel to channel, watching the images flicker from show to show. Round and round the channels go, where they stop, nobody knows! But where will he land? What will be tonight's entertainment? As if in direct answer to his unspoken question, he flips to a channel with a number he doesn't recognize. In fact, there isn't a number at all. In the top right corner

of the screen, where the number would be, there is just the letter X. Unfamiliar channel aside, the image on screen is not just recognizeable, but welcome. He managed to flip to Channel X just in time to watch his favorite cartoon family pile onto the couch together. Perfect! It's an episode of The Simpsons! This is the most satisfying part of channel surfing, the moment where he stumbles on a favorite show at just the right moment. Now, to enjoy the fruits of his channel flipping, and find out

which episode of his number one favorite show this is. As the story begins to unfold, the man realizes that he doesn't recognize anything that's happening. It must be a new episode! Even better! But as the episode continues, something begins to cause his hair to stand to attention. A shiver runs down his back. He can't quite explain it, but something about this episode feels...wrong. But before we go any further, I have a question for you - Does something feel wrong… with you? Is there something

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betterhelp.com/drbob Thank you again BetterHelp for supporting this channel. But as I was saying about the strange episode of The Simpsons that’s playing out on the television. The standard story beats are all there: Homer is failing to live up to his role as an employee, a father, a husband, with absurd ramifications. Lisa is a thoughtful prodigy, and frustrated with her family's antics. Bart causes trouble, and invites anyone who questions it to eat his shorts. Marge is trying her best to hold

the family together. And of course, Maggie is a baby who displays much more cleverness than a baby ought to. Standard Simpsons fare. But every so often, the man can swear that he sees the characters' eyes flick to the side, staring right down the barrel of the camera. Except, of course, there is no camera. This is a cartoon. It must be some sort of deliberate stylistic choice, a joke that's flying over his head. But he's not laughing. Something about the sudden panic in the character's eyes as

their gaze momentarily locks with his, makes his heart race with dread. As the episode continues, the man begins to recognize several of the storylines. Marge is working as a police officer. The kids are persuading Homer to buy a swimming pool for the house. But none of these storylines happened in the same episode...what's going on? It's as if someone cut a bunch of season six episodes of the show together, and added this bizarre effect with the eyes. The man considers flipping to another chann

el, but he can't quite bring himself to look away. He watches, helplessly glued to the couch, as the remainder of the episode plays out before him. The pizza grows cold, untouched, as his eyes stay locked on the screen. Ned Flanders walks over to the Simpson home to deliver a standard "Hi-diddly-ho, Neigborino!" much to Homer's dismay. But he doesn't respond the usual Homer way. He grabs Ned by the collar of his sweater, hauling him into the pool. That's fine enough, but as Ned thrashes in the w

ater, struggling to pull himself back out, Homer presses a head down on the top of his neighbor's head, forcing him back under. He holds the man under the surface, watching the bubbles of his neighbor's screams with a dispassionate look in his cartoon eyes. Eventually, the bubbles stop, and Homer retrieves his hand. A body floats there in the water, face down. A pair of round glasses sink to the bottom of the pool. The camera pans to the rest of the Simpson family, who look on in abject horror.

Maggie's jaw drops, and her pacifier falls to the ground. Marge, still in her policewoman garb, reaches for the weapon in her holster. Homer's serious face breaks, and he begins to laugh. His eyes roll wildly, his mouth stretches until it warps his entire face, and the blood vessels in his eyes begin to burst. Then, he laughs some more. Flashing red and blue lights illuminate his face, and then the episode cuts to black. No credits. The man realizes for the first time since the episode began tha

t there hasn't been one single commercial break. Now, the episode is over, leaving the man alone with nothing but a dark screen and troubled thoughts. Ordinarily, he'd stay awake and keep watching television until his eyes begin to hurt. But not tonight. He's had enough tv for tonight. Maybe for a lifetime. He puts the uneaten pizza in the fridge, switches off the television, and heads to bed. The man doesn't sleep, though. At least, he doesn't sleep well. He tosses and turns, soaking the sheets

with cold, anxious sweat as his mind replays the bizarre episode over and over again. He can't get it out of his head. When morning comes and his alarm goes off, he feels as though he hasn't gotten a moment's rest. Thankfully, it's the weekend, so he can hit the snooze and get some more sleep. Wait a second...as he reaches for the snooze button, something catches his eye. His hand looks quite a bit more yellow than it did the night before. A trick of the light? He sits up, and switches on his b

edside lamp. No, his skin has definitely taken on a yellow tint. Could he be sick? He feels perfectly fine, aside from the exhaustion of a somewhat sleepless night. No fever, no nausea...in fact, he feels hungry. Starving, even. He remembers the pizza in the fridge, waiting for him. Sounds like the breakfast of champions to him! He grabs the box and plants himself in front of the television again. Wait...if he turns it on, what horrors will be waiting for him? He decides to try his luck and swit

ch it on. Thankfully, the Simpsons episode playing this morning seems to be a perfectly normal one. He polishes off the pizza and enjoys the show. By the time the weekend is over, the man feels quite different. He's always been a diligent worker during business hours, but now he can't bring himself to care about his job. He calls in sick on Monday morning, faking a cough so he can stay in and watch more tv. Thankfully there's no wife or kids to bother him and try to get him off the couch. He spe

nds the week like that, snacks and television and calling out of work. One week turns into two, and as the days pass, the man's transformation continues. He is not just changing on the inside. The outside is shifting to match. His hair begins to come out in pieces, covering his pillowcase in the morning, clogging the drain of his shower. Before long, he is completely bald. The yellowish tinge of his skin intensifies too, until he is the same shade of yellow as the cartoon family on the tv screen

. He doesn't notice the similarities, however. Just as a fish doesn't notice the water it swims in. He can't observe the effects from the inside. At least, not yet. As two weeks become three, the changes become uncomfortable, even painful. His job calls to let him know that he's been fired for his unexcused absences, but that is the least of the man's problems. Suddenly, he can't sleep. Well, he could sleep, if he could just get his eyes to close, but he can't. For some reason, his eyelids won't

cover them the way they used to. For the first time in weeks, he stumbles to his bathroom mirror to take a look. When he sees his reflection, he cries out in shock. His eyes would go wide, but they can't go any wider. The eyeballs have grown so large that they jut out, protruding from his face dramatically. He can't close them because they've extended out too far for the lids to close anymore. Something is terribly wrong, clearly. He's been putting it off, ignoring the problem, but he can't den

y it any longer. He needs to go to the doctor and find out what mysterious illness is doing this to him. But first, he should stop for some donuts on the way. He's got the strongest craving for a donut with pink frosting and sprinkles. Or how about a dozen donuts? Maybe with a beer to wash it all down. Then he'll go to the doctor after. As he descends the stairs of the apartment building, the man becomes suddenly aware of how heavy and cumbersome his legs feel beneath him. He never struggled wit

h walking before, but now it feels like a nearly impossible task. His body feels as if it won't listen to his commands, his muscles feel sluggish, and his bones...softer, somehow. Then, he makes one wrong step, and his ankle gives out, rolling to the side with a snap. He loses his balance, pain shooting fireworks across his field of vision. His enlarged eyes roll in their sockets, wide with terror at the sudden realization that he is falling. And he keeps falling, tumbling down one stair after a

nother in a horrific pratfall that carries him down two flights of stairs until he lands at the bottom with a sickening crack. His dying words, just before his head collides with the pavement, are few and simple. He cries out, in pain, in fear, in resignation, one word: "D'oh!" When the police find the body, they aren't sure what to make of it. None of them, even the most seasoned officers, have ever seen something quite so bizarre. It would almost be funny, if it weren't so terrible. But it is

terrible, and they can't let anyone else see it, so they carry the poor yellow son of a gun out of sight, and call their contacts at an organization that specializes in this sort of thing. When the SCP Foundation comes to examine the body, they have no idea what to make of it either. They take the body back to a Foundation morgue, where it will sit on ice for decades until the Foundation eventually discovers some context. Until an obscure Foundation initiative uncovers the secrets of SCP-7066. T

he SCP Foundation's Department of Metaphysics developed an initiative tasked with containing dangerous anomalies in parallel realities without SCP Foundations. Whether these parallel foundations became defunct, or simply never existed in the first place, the lack of Foundation presence in these other realities presented a problem that this initiative hoped to correct. And so, on August 7, 2047, Parallel Universe ASX#623 was investigated for potential dangers. I should note that, prior to its dis

covery, this particular universe is believed to have undergone a large-scale XK-Class End of the World scenario. The specific details of this are unknown, but significant damage to the surface of the planet as well as a dramatically decreased human population point to some manner of apocalyptic disaster. This fact casts the findings of this particular expedition in an even stranger, more disconcerting light. In the ruins of Los Angeles, California, in an abandoned FOX recording studio, the exped

ition team found signs of recent habitation. Food was left out, and had not yet begun to visibly spoil. Surfaces were remarkably free of dust. Human remains found in the building were determined to be only a few days old. Down in a hidden sub-basement of the building, over a dozen bodies were found, displaying anomalous conditions. On a television hooked up to a DVD player, something was playing. The bright colors, familiar soundtrack, and instantly recognizable characters made the show unmistak

able: it was The Simpsons. The DVD was removed from the player, and placed back in its corresponding case. Then, it was transported to the SCP Foundation back in the universe that we all know, occupy, and occasionally love, where it was designated SCP-7066. SCP-7066 is an anomalous Blu-ray DVD copy of the sixth season of beloved animated sitcom The Simpsons, created by American cartoonist Matt Groening in the late 1980s. As you might have already surmised, this is no ordinary Simpsons DVD. Anyon

e who views the contents of SCP-7066 will find themselves the unfortunate subject of a variety of unpleasant and unusual anomalous phenomena shortly after watching. Though it varies a bit from subject to subject, the anomalous effects tend to follow a specific timeline. Between three and five days after the DVD is first viewed, the subject will begin to show severe behavioral changes. Specifically, regardless of their initial personality or prior habits, they will show an increased tendency towa

rd indolence, alcoholism, and ineptitude at their chosen profession as well as ordinary daily tasks. Between five and ten days after exposure to SCP-7066, physical abnormalities will begin to manifest. First, there is rapid hair loss, hair falling out in chunks until the subject is almost completely bald. Next, their skin will begin to discolor, taking on a jaundiced, yellowish tone. Tumors will begin to form throughout their body, made up of excess fat similar to a lipoma. After 10 to 15 days,

the subject's legs will begin to atrophy due to the weight of these tumoral growths. At some point between the 15 and 20 day mark, the subject's eyes will begin to protrude from their face, bulging out in a severe form of exophthalmos, or proptosis. This causes discomfort, distress, and difficulty closing their eyes, resulting in a disruption of ordinary sleep patterns. All the while, the yellowish tint of the skin becomes more pronounced. Eventually, after one month has passed, the fatty tumors

will spread throughout the subject's entire body. Their voice will begin to deepen, and new oral cavities will form in the subject's neck and torso to accommodate the presence of these additional tumors. At this point, the anomalous effects cease, leaving the subject transformed. They are now a rotund, clumsy, cartoonishly-yellow, bald person with a tendency toward alcoholism and incompetence. If you're beginning to think that sounds a bit familiar, well, you'd be correct. Testing logs for this

particular anomaly have been sealed, and I'm afraid that I lack the adequate security clearance to access them. However, I have a feeling that these anomalous effects may present differently in different subjects. If male test subjects begin to resemble Homer Simpson, might other demographics take on the appearance of other members of the Simpson family? Perhaps a woman over a certain age would find her hair changing color and texture until it becomes a thick, blue beehive hairdo. Perhaps child

ren would be affected, their hair spiking and transforming into the same shade of yellow as their skin. I shudder to think what this anomaly might do to a baby. Of course, these musings are purely hypothetical. It would be unethical to subject any human being to these effects, let alone children. Though I am always in pursuit of the truth, some questions are best left unanswered when the alternative relies on more human suffering. Remember those bodies I mentioned, the ones found at the abandone

d FOX studio? All of them displayed these anomalous properties, transformed into disturbing, live-action Homer Simpson-esque beings. It is uncertain whether the transformations themselves resulted in these deaths, or whether their deaths were caused by something else. Perhaps they experienced acute liver failure related to the anomaly-induced alcoholism. Perhaps they were eliminated in a deliberate attempt to cover the tracks of whoever made the DVD. Either way, it is not a fate I would wish on

anyone. SCP-7066 is currently stored in a standard low-priority anomalous item locker at Foundation Site-19. After a decision by the Ethics Committee, who reached a majority vote on the matter, all testing with the anomaly has been discontinued indefinitely. Oh, and I almost forgot. There was one detail that I omitted in my previous discussion of the anomaly's discovery. When SCP-7066 was first found in that concealed sub-basement, there was a worn Post-it note attached to the VCR display. The w

riting, though faded, was still legible. It read as follows: "Need to iron out a few kinks, but this should be enough to hold us off — for now. It’s been a rough sixty years, Matt, but we’ll weather this. We always do. I promise. Call me when you’re ready. The show must go on." What exactly that ominous post-it note means, remains to be seen. The origins of SCP-7066 are still being investigated, but it seems as if a parallel universe's version of Matt Groening was involved in something strange a

nd unsavory. It's difficult to say for certain, but we should all be glad that this version of the show is being kept off of the airwaves. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to leave the research behind for now. I don't know about you, but I have a sudden craving for a donut. Check out the Dr. Bob Patreon and become a junior researcher today! Now go and watch another entry from the files of Dr. Bob, like "SCP-1048 Builder Bear"