Series 15, Episode 2 - Trapped In A Loveless Marriage | Full Episode

brace brace I'm bracing [Music] [Applause] [Music] hello I'm Craig Davis and this is Taskmaster the modern day equivalent of the Colosseum but a set of Swords we use tasks and instead of lions we also use tasks and rather than contestants fighting each other for a life of respect and riches they're trying to get a rubbish trophy it's nothing like the Coliseum happy now how about you shut your sweet mouth how about you try writing 15 series worth of intros too busy going for a meal with Debbie ar

en't you huh yeah I see you Jenny Kyle Smith spider and may Martin I'm sitting next to me a man who confided in me that he sometimes deliberately revs his engine in traffic because it makes him feel like he's in charge of all women [Applause] are you ready for a brand new game show it's called two lies and a truth [Music] Greg to two lies in a truth I'm gonna tell you two lies in the truth you could see if you can spot the spot the truth I have ridden a camel I have written a zebra I have ridden

a bicycle yeah I imagine you were the sort of kid who never learned to ride a bike if you think I've ridden a camel but not a bike that's right you've not made it through round one bad stuff price time oh we got this week so yummy scrummy you asked him to bring in the object which whenever you look at it makes you feel the weirdest oh I feel with it when I look at Petrol right up close for a really long time Greg will award five points for the object he agrees is most likely to cause a feeling

of weirdness and the winner of the show will take home five objects they probably never want to look at again okay Kyle you're up first what objective have you brought in why will it make me feel weird it's uh glove on a foot how do you feel I feel me where did you encounter this foot in a glove uh I I created it although I should say you can buy some latex rubber gloves but for feet I normally wear them I don't know if I am there we go [Applause] under my socks every series but that's horrible

what do you mean it's horrible because you have got horribly long toes could knit with those toes thank you General thank you um where did you dream this up I knew it had to be a feet thing because feet are weird in it like what are they um and then like rubber gloves and latex in general is just quite like Yeah the more I stare at it the weirder I feel it's a stronger okay I'll log that next up may I've brought in a small object that I think can trigger like a deep existential crisis and that o

bject is a mirror and like thank you what are we are we the meat are we the viewer are we the meat are we the viewer [Applause] one of the other so they did an experiment in 2010 if you stare into a mirror for 10 minutes 66 of people experienced seeing huge deformations in their face I agree I've looked into a mirror for up to 10 minutes when I was a child and I found my face to be horribly deformed and I think it works however if I stand at the back of that mirror I wouldn't feel weird to talk

the thing that makes you weird I put it to you is your own reflection not the object you've offered up interesting I mean what a round iPhone I picked some magnetic detachable reading glasses at last there's lots that's weird about it I basically throwing my uncle under the bus here but every time he detaches his magnetic glasses it creeps me out something I sort of go oh but when I stare at the glove foot I go Kyle designed that specifically for the task he was so busy thinking about whether he

could he didn't stop to think about whether he should but the brief of the task was whenever you look at it it makes you feel weird so having to look at it for 10 minutes that's immediately invalid whereas every time I see that it makes me feel even a bit weird it's winning so far as far as I'm concerned Magic Eye painting book yes the original but there it is and here is one of the pages from her book I mean you've all seen these before right it will work you just need to look as if you're loo

king through the screen oh do I need to try well you can I mean [Laughter] the steam train you're right it's a steam train that has made me feel weird all right well great news Frankie I think it's very unlikely you're going to be last brought you medieval paintings of cats Five Points [Laughter] [Applause] some reason people in the Middle Ages couldn't paint cats properly and it always looks really weird and disturbing [Applause] 14th century Illustrated French manuscript on Roman and Christian

history I mean I would argue that cats are already weird and they sort of know that they're weird I mean that looks weird that's a guy who just been looking in a mirror for about 10 years and suddenly looked at a cat Jesus Christ are we the meter or with the viewer I mean this is unbelievable because some bloke his boys uncle's glasses it's going to do quite well here the least weird thing to look at on this occasion is my Martin's mirror I'm sorry one point to make yes I can't give a magic eye

painting more than a mirror that's the truth I give them one point each oh bad luck yeah and then there's a big jump up unbelievably two I post uncles collapsible glasses this will take three points can you imagine give us three points for bringing them in it was a diminishing return of weirdness from the cats whereas the rubber glove on the foot made me feel consistently weird and thus KL takes five points Four Points to Frankie okay let's toss great shout and We Begin by splitting up one of t

he great bands of the modern era and forcing them to go solo [Music] thank you hi Mike hi oh hey hi [Music] very well thank you polite young man how old do you think he is 41 I'm lucky hello this is exciting I'm Jenny hello I'm Joe what have you got you've got a trumpet yep how marvelous do you have piles as well composer solo for this 41 year old I was right who doesn't say that compose a solo for this musician solar must be original and less than they're long that's a blessing you have five mi

nutes your time starts now what instrument do you play the keyboard I think we will have my name and then the word Taskmaster so what notes are in that Ivo no no g-a another a and then in task master it's quite a heavy isn't it had that one [Music] oh is there any sort of Rhythm with that yeah jaunty instead of playing with your hands you play it with your feet show off your shoe off definitely what I'll do is I'll just sing some notes and you just follow it okay [Music] [Music] a bit better and

then I will guess how old you are you'll know when it's the right number I think online yeah I love that because I don't want anything more than that terrific can I take that task off you Frankie and can I swap it for that one oh while you're here having that as well make something that looks like this musician's musical instrument then mime to your new solo you may not use a musical instrument in the creation of your musical instrument best performance wins I've got 15 minutes in my time Joe a

s far as it started it started now thank you there's the hi-hat right there how long is a drumstick mate [Music] bloody hell yes small complicated than you think mine's less complicated four strings is it yeah how many keys does it have 25 I'd say 25. would you settle for seven it was quite as big as mine oh is that what we're doing okay accuracy unbelievable [Music] foreign [Music] we frequently go south of the waistband with you I've noticed I didn't know that trumpet players do get piled oh y

es seem to be an extreme scat I'm so unmusical I don't even recognize happy birthday it's like something I can't do I don't recognize happy birthday people start singing happy birthday we expect you to join in and I panic the cake must give you a clue of an Angel projected through a banana-based trumpet is Jenny eclair I'd like now to play for you a solo piece called and give me a one give me a two give me a one two three laughs [Music] thank you very much I think I might have piles now I felt i

t was a powerful performance I think it's a beautiful instrument could you convince yourself that it was Journey making those noises if I gobbled a dish full of recreational drugs I could convince myself that was Jenny Claire playing that instrument and indeed that that instrument was functioning another one yes please okay next up with a dramatic drum solo it's Frankie Boyle drum solo on a count of four a one a two a three four [Music] [Applause] I have no real memory of doing that your face sa

id at the end I think this has gone badly but it was quite good I'm a bit worried because I'm just enjoying all these who's next oh there's still time uh now time for a man who simply oozes sax appeal Ivo Graham welcome to the Taskmaster jazz festival it's Ivo Graham with toxic gold fumes brackets mainly in a take it away [Music] I very much enjoyed your instrument I enjoyed the keys all seven of them yes color I enjoyed your performance very much let's leave the sentence there I say see all rig

ht well now it's time for May Martin on the double bass with the toe I'm so excited to present my original solo by May Martin Maestro Maestro am I right uh sorry I don't want to lose points for Maestro it's too late okay one two three four [Music] [Music] [Music] thank you so much thank you so much thanks while we were watching that you were disturbed by the sight of your own toe it doesn't look like that my foot does not look like that does it not no very dainty sexy sweet you know what you nee

d don't you pop a glove on that they're like fingers they spread too so I mean feet what are they yeah yeah right one left yes it's our final solo it's keyboard KL one two three and composers oh no less than 30 seconds long [Music] what's your age young man 41 42 43 [Music] foreign [Applause] I'm 54 by the way I'll do a song later oh Christ that is so hard I enjoyed all of them but I'm gonna give Kyle Ivo and Jenny Five Points and I'm gonna give Frankie and may Four Points oh I've literally lost

my goddamn mind well there we go it's five points to Jenny KO and Ivo scoreboard time yes it is last week's winner is in last place May's got five Kyle has ten points in the lead at the moment what's next Alex well Greg it's the first team task of the series [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hi hello May potato excellent thanks please can you put that down yeah you can pick out the potato okay all right hello okay I'm so sorry what are you talking about no way it'

s lovely oh thank you why have you got a large potato I brought it from home oh good I wish I bought one for luck jackets in the garden [Music] [Music] sometimes with a potato you can smell when they're on the turn yeah but look we have another friend hello yo what's that then [Music] would you like to hold the potatoes I'd love to there you go enjoy thank you hello Frankie all right man I've got potato Alex hello sorry to interrupt you about the potato build the highest bridge over the middle o

f the red green red green red green right I'll start again build the highest bridge over the medal of the red green and balance the potato in the middle of the bridge the potato may not be anchored in any way if anything touches the red green you must put everything back where you found it Tut and go back to the drawing boards you got 20 minutes your time starts now I can do the tatting I'll just stand here and get ready to start as the clever one you start planning and I go and get a whole load

of random [ __ ] the first thing Frankie's done is send me away your team is racing very comfortable together straight away good chemistry good chemistry what's going on here I didn't know he I thought it was some block Deliverance thank you so you didn't know who iPhone was I did once I like fully to remember I thought someone's just wandered into the shop I would say watching Frankie and Iva they were the most like a sort of Father and Son team we've ever had except a father and son who haven

't really spent any time together it's what you want from the team task the crackle of tension not some bloody mic muffling hug thank you very much thank you very much we all sniff a potato then get on boring not for me and my dad do you want to see the boring team of three first yeah let's get them out of the way being all nice to each other and we can get on to this [ __ ] [ __ ] show here we see Jenny Kyle and may gather stuff I'm getting different stuff it looks like there's [ __ ] on this o

ne it's not as high as possible Barrel on top of the barrel get it high [Music] I touched the red green please put everything back top and go back to them no I'm sorry why did you tell them why did you tell them we have to touch please be careful Johnny don't do yourself no don't stop patronizing me okay thanks for drawing board please touch the drawing board [Music] I think you may have just touched it I did yeah oh it's hot actually drawing board you think two blue two blue barrels on top it's

got to be as tall as possible I think the best way we're going to do it is with duct tape yeah do you think we can get higher than this yes there's a whole taller than these at the moment yeah okay okay so we just need duct tape we have a new plan I'm not putting the steps okay why didn't we make this wider three and a half minutes oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah okay oh no no no two minutes twenty careful careful I can't bear it okay slow raise at the same time to the sky stop the clock I thi

nk I thought we could go higher no I'm scared I'm coming around to help me come on higher higher okay stop the clock stop the clock higher higher no higher stop the clock now you want me to measure it yeah yeah okay lovely stuff well done no don't let it touch first things first let's um see a clip of Jenny getting rid of that plank again here she is [ __ ] that yeah she did say one point it's like a day out with your nana but quite a weird Nana got the magic potato up to the sky and I think you

're a lovely team yeah they did pretty well they've got about the same height as if you imagine the average three-year-old standing on the shoulders or the head actually of from maybe a taller than average 10 year old or an average 11 year old that's about that too and I was it two meters 40 sorry right now let's see Frankie and Ivo work together as a pair do you want some chalk yes I would please [Music] I don't actually um you know I don't want to come across too much of a snowflake but uh I d

on't enjoy the sensation of chalk on a chalkboard let's Inspire something I haven't done much with the board yet I think I'd probably like to borrow us uh a board brush a board clearer a dusting tool a lot of pressure on Frankie I think what's your idea well I've certainly cleared the board it's my idea man maybe a bad idea good we just try and go from the top of the Caravan to the top of that can a geodesic dorm and we stick the potato in the middle so the top of what the Geo where geodesic dom

estic Dome yeah great little Greenhouse really the opposite of the shape we need well well that's an ugly start it certainly makes you think about what could be achieved closer to the yeah hello yeah that's lower than the ladder that's lower than the ladder but I think we should abandon that and move nearly thing okay don't drop that can we be in there yeah we can be human parts of the bridge nothing says we can yes I'm gonna have a bit of we could roll it in a tube the second ladder Frankie yea

h perhaps we should have done more work in our planning phase I think the skipping the planning was thrilling now measure the Blazer yes yes I don't really know how to measure it what's the matter Alex can't reach our Spud s very happy with that well done over I'm gonna let this go now this is like a 1970 sitcom people from a different class I'm the Lord but he's the master I feel despite what makes seem like differences between us I've got nothing but love from Mr Ivor Graham and I felt that mo

st of the success of the task was due to I will prompted me to be less wrong a really genuinely sweet thing that somehow still sounded like a threat how high did they go though it was as high as Hagrid jumping over a loaf of bread well he's two meters 59 two meters 81 41 centimeters higher than the team of three so they were both fairly effective weren't they yes but there must be a golf yeah five and three okay so three points the team of three five points to daddy and son daddy daddy get anoth

er task yes here we go deep breath good [Music] morning foreign watch this [Music] how'd you do that uh-huh that was cool thank you oh did that not work we're going to go the other way up hey chief are you ready oh yeah [Applause] achieve the most impressive effect with a single breath you must take your breath and achieve your effect within the next 20 minutes the most impressive effect blowing out a candle not in itself very impressive but perhaps if it achieved complete darkness within a spac

e that would be quite quite boring and bad television I need to find a dying frog or some a tiny bird that I can give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to is it raining no all right come on in is this the first time in 15 series of this show that we've been asked for a dying frog second second well I'm very keen to see the impressive effect that these people did with a single breath okay up first it's May and Kyle hello again hi this is just phase one so we need some pipes a couple of bricks this is

going to be incredible I've never worked so hard in my life right you put them up on a duck on a shed four minutes mate oh my God that's not even science man I'm gonna blow it down one huge breath and then hopefully it's gonna hit the xylophone that's the end that'll be that'll be ah oh my God [Music] good luck Kyle ready good luck don't fail me okay you ready I'm ready are you ready they're ready [Music] [Music] oh gosh that was satisfying foreign [Music] an expert at these tasks oh thank you t

hey Beaver away they create something I'd be for away famously [Laughter] great beef ring thank you I want a lovely pipe at the end of it as well there was a real contrast between the two oh what Kyle's very good at is having the confidence of someone who's doing a good job self-belief is Sensational I don't really take into consideration that I'm not able to blow a golf ball oh no stuff went wrong way before that next up are two comedians known simply as Jenny eclair and Frankie Boyle Hello Joh

nny Hello Alex I'd like to show you my party trick uh the most impressive thing I can do with a single breath is save this Caravan well here is it yeah you just need to be ready to duck I'm ready to duck I'm Gonna Save this Caravan from a roaring Inferno [Music] Jenny [Music] Jenny I saved the Caravan you definitely out yeah was it one breath one breath like can I just check can we stand down all the fire officers now thank you Jenny foreign [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] do you think it

was impressive it would have been impressive if they'd let me really Set Fire to the curtains but they have been a bit wet about it yeah so it is their fault but really it was just you blowing up the corner of a curtain saves the Caravan it's no doubt about it if she hadn't blown it out it would have been a blazing Inferno yeah why was I so impressed by Frankie ball being a naughty boy everyone hates golf [Laughter] big golf because I'm not trapped in a Loveless marriage slightly lucky because o

ur garden backs onto a golf course your first instincts were to blow a whistle in a matinee or a church there's only one person left to see and it's Ivo can I try and get on the radio and just breathe yeah that's impressive yeah when I'm speaking to the producer I'm a bit more like uh yes I've got an opinion about wind farms but then once I'm on here um five live yeah you've got yeah I know 12 minutes just hung up uh I'll instead call uh Greg will you recognize your breath [Music] that's Agony t

hat's agony I will breathe down the phone today [Music] all right three and a half minutes yeah uh I'd like to apologize for the willful damage of fancy glassware called Ed Gamble previous Taskmaster contestant winner and host of the Taskmaster podcast [Music] hello thank you is that still on the line no I hung up it feels like one point doesn't it I mean the whole attempt is extraordinary the trouble is nothing happened it was a single breath and the single breath it had no effect at all my ins

tinct is is to say Ivo gets one point but then I remember Jenny blowing on the corner of her curtain I'm gonna give you both one point you're giving Jenny fewer points than Kyle hey hey look he's having a nice time over here let him do his thinking he blew at a golf ball three times and nothing happened nobody he constructed a thing I can't believe what's going on here I need to report from the front line and it was very disappointing [Laughter] you know what it is I've been hypnotized by your c

harm and I was about to give you two points when you don't deserve them Alex thank God my little assistance here so you can have one point as well mine is the same the same yeah I don't know where that thing is pointing one one one I mean I've got to say I'm not especially impressed with any of these right okay what about me the thing at the end was good but is it a five-point Bang Yeah I don't think it's a five-point Bank are you sure you just haven't become jaded with the concept of the show w

e haven't got a five-point Bing and I can't give a grown man putting a golfer off Five Points who wins the task okay may wins the task and I've already told you it wasn't a five-point Bing so logic would tell you that may gets four points and Frankie gets three okay so well done may you sort of won the task Four Points are you all right I'm fuming one last look at the scores at the top of the pilot it's Frankie Boyle with 16 points wow okay it's time to leave your seats and head to the stage but

guess what the final task of the show all right and already excited oh yes who's gonna read it out Ivo Graham this time oh create a recognizable picture of an animal on the back of your T-shirt using the equipment provided you must stay on your spot and you must not move your spot if you create the same animal as someone else you will both be disqualified best recognizable picture of an animal on your back wins you have 200 seconds put an animal on your back it's the same animal as someone else

you get nothing good luck the time starts [Music] what sort of animals are you hoping for bring baboon Hedgehog s of your t-shirts we've got halfway [Applause] [Music] [Applause] oh that's you darling that's all we need in terms of audience interaction one woman shouting go on Jenny do you want the same woman to shout anything again they could encourage a different contestant 35 seconds left right not wrong I mean Kyle completed this about two four minutes ago Frankie is also finished [Music] f

ive four three two put down your materials first to reveal their animal it's going to be Frankie Boyle are you ready to witness his animal I'm absolutely beside myself this is the unmistakably rigid shape of a deceased snake Frankie is that what you were trying to achieve yes yes if there's one thing you famously say about snakes they are straight a lot of different kinds of snakes Greg can we see the second animal okay Ivo please turn around and show us your animal the only person who discovere

d the scissors I don't love what that implies what animal is it Greg I think it's a jaunted giraffe I aimed for jaunty and I'm glad that's been recognized is it a giraffe oh oh yes Jenny Claire what do we have butterfly butterfly and it's really cool this is Jenny's finest out are we ready for Kyle kyal used 30 seconds of his allotted time oh no this seems very cruel sadly it's another snake it could be a sticky insect is it the snake hail it's a bendy snake at that point Frankie and Kyle were f

irst and second in the episode could be disqualified both now out okay may it's good why is that so good it's not just a bit of tape stuck on a board Kyle that's why it's good I think it might be an extinct bird a dodo sure it's enough to say it's a bird yeah it's a duck it's a bird okay two snakes bite the dust who'd have thought that the heel-clicking jaunted giraffe get three points and yet there it is three points to the giraffe and honestly they're both very good but for me Jenny's beautifu

l butterfly just takes it so four points to May and five points for Jenny eclair and that's an end to it okay there we go strong [Music] well that's got to put the old proverbial cut amongst the pigeons isn't it it really has none of them made cats or pigeons they made beautiful animals yes unfortunately there were two snakes the final scores are so close there's only three points separating the five of them Frankie and may are in joint second place but the winner was 17 points Ivo Graham as ple

ase feel weird we've learned with your husbands back late from a round of golf he's not necessarily having an affair his swing might have been impeded by Frankie Boyle's whistle that's all for now four people didn't win this week but one definitely did you know it was I know it was Ivo Graham [Applause] [Music] all right foreign [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music]