Treacle... treacle... treacle... treacle! We are the Treacle People! We seek treacle high and low! We are the Treacle People! We all live in Giggle Row! Willie Wizzle saved the day. His Treacle Tracker led the way to seams of
treacle far below! Down to the mines we go! Treacle... treacle... treacle! We are the Treacle People! We seek treacle high and low! Last time, the Treacle People went football
mad. Thanks to Nicko Pendle's refereeing, the boggarts
committed every foul in the book. Though, l
uckily, none was quite as foul as
Lil's parkin. With the opposition weighed down, the villagers weighed in to even the score, and now that victory celebrations are over, Silas has his own little triumph in mind. I expect you're wondering why I brought you
here. Nah, man, go with the flow, I say. Oh. Well, I'm going to tell you anyway. I have decided to order a statue. Way cool! Like, who from? You. Me? Well, you're the artistic type, aren't you? There's certainly no other excuse for looking
like
that. What is it with you and my hair, man? Anyway, what's this statue going to be of? It is to be in honour of the one person who has done most to bring fame and, ha, fortune to this village. Oh... erm... right on, man. And that is? Well, I don't like to say... One hopes that people have noticed already,
but... ahaha... Oh! Right! I get it! I don't get it. The one person who's brought fame and fortune
to the village... But there isn't just one person. It's, like, a team thing. Well, think abou
t it! In one word, what do you think of when you
think of Sabden? Emigration. No! Boggarts! Hey, yeah! That's a point! If they hadn't found us the new treacle seam... If they hadn't helped out in the mines... If they hadn't helped Father Christmas... Well... So, a statue for the boggarts! You could do one of Bert! Better make a start, man! I just wish I'd listened to what my art teacher
told me. What did she tell you? Dunno, man. I wasn't listening. A statue? Well, it'll be me, of course. O... W
hy? Doesn't my parkin always win at the village
fête? Haven't I just managed a five-a-side team
to victory? Besides, they'd not dare do anyone else. At last, a bit of artistic refinement! And I think the subject is obvious, n'est
pas? Well, it's... After all, think of the elegance I've brought
to this place. The style, the edible food... Yes, but... I just hope young Wizzle gets my good side! Statue? Of course it's me, you... Na, na, na, it'll be myself! Didnae my porridge cure the boggart flu?
Didnae my tunnel get us to Paris? No. It got us into trouble. And it's my mining as saved this village. My export tunnel, my traction engine, and
above all... My classical good looks. Hahaha! The man's daft! Marvellous news! Guess who's going to unveil our new statue
of you-know-who? Oh please, no need to be coy! After all, I've been waiting for my Nobel
since 1934! What? Look - HM is going to unveil it! What? Harry Murgatroyd? No, no, no, no, no, no! Her Majesty! The Queen? Here? In Sabden? Oh
my... could it mean a knighthood too? Well, one doesn't want to speculate, but...
um... why not? Don't you mean 'damehood'? No, but Dad... No, Rosie! I know I keep this place working. Mending shovels, repairing Bessie, helping
the Prof, digging tunnels when I have to... But Dad! I just think a statue's over the top! Not a lot, but over the top. Ohh... Er, like this... do you think? Or, um... ahem... yeah... um... like this? [Boggart squeak!] Your Majesty, it is with a keen sense of gratitude, na
y, honour, that I accept the dedication of this statue. Not for myself, but on behalf of the thousands of ordinary officers around the country who pound the pavements each and every day. [Yawn] Thank you very much. [Indistinct gibbering...] Yes, but, er... she... she promised. A what tour? What new motorbike? Oh, the Vintage twin cam, very nice. Did she go for the matching saddlebags and
the, the... Well, look, look, look, never mind that! If Her Majesty is off on a motorbike tour,
what am I goi
ng to do with this statue? How dare you, sir? Bah! Where am I going to find royalty round here? Unless... Me? Queen? Well, I can't say I'm surprised. People know where to come for a little class. Besides, it's about time we had someone really
refined on the job. But I shall expect to be treated like royalty. Red carpets! Footmen! A tiara! And most of all, the robes! Yes, good, anything! Splendid! I must go and sort me 'air out! Hum. Where am I to get a tiara, for heaven's sake? Wait a minute! Wh
at about cousin Antipas in Blackpool? Ha ha! But you said you had them! Yes, but if you just... You promised me robes and a tiara. Now where are they? Right here! What on Earth is that? Observe! Your face could be here! And yours could be in bandages. My cousin in Blackpool takes money from people for the privilege of having their pictures taken like this! Your family would take money from anyone for
anything. How common! Very well. I shall explain simply. You can either be a cardboard queen or
no
queen at all. Can I still have the footmen? Yes. And the red carpet? Yes. Oh, all right. Thank you. [Music] Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! It gives me great pleasure to inform you that
Her Majesty has arrived backstage... And is ready to unveil young Wizzle's statue
of a rather special someone. So, if we can have the curtains open... ahem... If we can please have the cur... the curtains
open. Oh, wow! That's me! Now, which rope was it? Hooray! [Revving!] Yoo-hoo! Hello! Oh my. Just tho
ught one would drop in. One was riding over one's Pennines and saw
the sign for Sabden. Well, we, we, I, I, that is... ah... hmm... And one remembered that one's favourite subject
lives here. So one parked the Armstrong-Haggerty at the
end of one's people's street and here one is! One's favourite... Your Majesty, what can I say? What an honour! This way, ma'am... Splendid! Er... it's rather high. No problem, Yer Madge. Charlie! Just plant your feet on that. Urr... Oh! You look familiar somehow!
Do you have a holiday home on Mustique? No, but I've got a sister as keeps a caravan
in Bacup... Oh, how very jolly! One saw one of these when one had one's picture
taken in Blackpool! Er... but... er... But even then, it didn't have such an ugly
face painted on it. Ohh! Your Majesty, since you're here, I wonder if you would oblige us with the dedication of this magnificent statue to... haha... your favourite subject? Oh yes! [Fanfare!] One has heard of his hard work in the treacle
trade... Oh,
ma'am... Of his bravery down one's pit... Of his friendship with Father Christmas... And of his extreme cuddliness... Eh? Bert! Absolutely! [Fanfare!] Ecky thump! Worra cheek! But... but... I... but... Still not sure I got the legs right, guys. And there's the very chap. Please come up here, Mr Bertram. [Fanfare!] One has a little something for you. [Whoopee!] One hopes Bert will enjoy wearing his OBE... OBE?! The first ever Order of the Boggart Empire! [Cheering!] Well, goodbye to you all. One
has enjoyed meeting one's Treacle People,
and one would just like to say... Be sticky like one! [Cheering!] [Moo-woof!] And so, as the sun goes down on a right royal
day in Sabden, we ask... Will Nellie suddenly be Bert's best friend
now he's an OBE? Will Silas ever forgive Wizzle for building
the wrong statue? And why didn't the Queen come up to the announcer's
booth? I never get to see anyone. It'd only have taken five minutes, but oh
no. I get nothing to look forward to but another
adhesive e
ncounter with... The Treacle People! We are the Treacle People! We seek treacle high and low! We are the Treacle People! We all live in Giggle Row! Willie Wizzle saved the day. His Treacle Tracker led the way to seams of
treacle far below! Down to the mines we go! Treacle... treacle... treacle! We are the Treacle People! We seek treacle high and low!
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