Taskmaster's New Year Treat 2023 | Full Episode | Taskmaster

[Music] [Applause] [Music] w hello I'm BR Davis welcome everybody to a very special Taskmaster New Year's treat yes it's that time of year for drawing a line under ugly aspect of your life starting aresh what am I talking about I'm talking about that lump on the sofa next to you that you're married and the kids it's not like they're doing well at school get rid it's also that time of year when we open up Taskmaster to those in the public eye that wouldn't normally qualify oh how hard can Taskmas

ter be they say I'm versatile I'll call my agent well they're about to find out what a terrible mistake that call was I don't want to put a damp on the night but from our calculations at least one of these people has done so badly that the damage to their reputation will result in a complete sensation of work and Lead ultimately and directly to the loss of their home so let's greet them with the Applause that they currently deserve please welcome Amelia de mber Carol vemar bred James Samo Farah

and Rebecca Lucy Taylor and next to me a man who told me in a private moment that he believes climate change is a hoax propagated by and I quote liberal [ __ ] who don't know how to party it's little Alex [Music] H right what's the prize task for this special little treat Alex oh dear has Daddy forgotten well you've asked him to bring in the thing which Greg would be most surprised that you own the overall winner of this special show will win all the surprising things plus your gigant antic gold

en eyebrows what a way to kick off a New Year wowe yes hot pajamas the the trophy that we use in the series is bad enough but this is truly worthless isn't it Amelia hello hi welcome to the show what have you brought in that I would be surprised that you own a coffin for a fly here it is why did you make it because a fly died and it needed to be have a coffin y checks out I think it's so sweet is that an indication of what you were like as a child no no no actually I don't really like animals I

am reasonably surprised it was either that or a fried egg rug oh no I stuck with the fly coffee Yeah Carl fman where do you think I live most of the time I imagine you live somewhere very glamorous Carol well that's what people would imagine but for about three four months in a year I live in this it's the V van wow wow yeah now that is a van I mean it looks like a vehicle belonging to a serial killer so on the top of it we've got this metal piece which has been welded on the top and then it fol

ds out like that boom and you climb up and then you can lie up there and you like that looking at the stars all night is it fair to say that in public you're not trying to keep a low profile do you poo in the van yeah cuz it's compost toilet I didn't think you're going to last Carib mystery Po in a van I didn't pre-plan it myself well car I I am quite surprised that you own what appears to be a military vehicle hello Greg hello Greg welcome to the show what the that will surprise me I'm going to

surprise you with a unique piece of artwork where the Virgin Mary is being played by Jonathan Ross and fat baby Jesus is played by Chris Moes what a harrowing image it was made for me as a gift for joining radio one I mean Jonathan looks exhausted on it's a heavy baby Moes looks like he's fully filled his nappy do in that image it's absolutely terrifying it's like an epit to the 90s isn't it hello sir moof Farah you're our first ever sir must be your greatest achievement so far s in front of yo

u you and I Mo are very physically different characters AR I stood next to Mo backstage I think it's worthy of showing everyone no me what have you brought us in my hair [Laughter] dryer nice has it ever been plugged in MO yeah a few times yeah when I go for a run yeah I'm always freezing and cold and yeah just makes me feel good if blow drying your patently baled head Mak you feel good it's good enough for me yeah let me ask you a question though do you ever uh go downstair I wouldn't say no wo

uld I we've all done you ever blow Dred your PBS have I ever not no I'm genuinely surprised that you own a hair dryer very clever Rebecca welcome hello how are you I'm absolutely pride myself are you yeah are you excited I really love this television program L we like having on it don't we yes I'm beside you yeah you've had a very busy year being a pop star in that yeah what would surprise me that pop star owns uh sculpture of me in the bath are you ready to see Rebecca in the bath I don't know

well here she is am I surprised a shallow bar shallow bath yeah you're barely doing the key areas there it's it's actually an ash tray I made during the pandemic oh you made it as an adult now that is surprising well there's five quite contrasting prizes there um can I just say what you've just written down in your card you've written Greg Davis yeah I met Greg James I'm so self-interested I I the James well the bad news is Greg um I wrote Greg James down because you're getting one point one poi

nt to Greg Davis yeah two points to well I'm sorry Rebecca I'm not that surprised by your sculpture I really liked it that's fair um Amelia I'm giving you three points for your fly coffin because I think it's quite a strange thing to have okay brilliant The Big Numbers Craig big numbers yeah well I didn't think that vman could surprise me but um by having a military van with an electronic roof she did surprise me she gets four points and no one would predict that Samo Farah had a hair dryer it's

impossible how could you five points to subo let us start the contest proper have you got a task ready well you can count on that Greg you can count on [Music] that hello hi Greg hello oh hi Carol wman hello s Farah Amelia de molenberg hey hello hello hello Rebecca hello got a job interview I big Greg yeah I'm little Greg to him don't touch that whatever you do yeah very long surname de molenberg I know but it's fonetic so de molenberg so there you go here we are r l t Rebecca Lucy Taylor reall

y likable tart sort of circles this looks like a maths puzzle ah count all the dots on this card you may not touch or Mark the card sorry for touching it you must give an answer in 10 minutes and must answer the door and obey the instructions every time the doorbell rings no most accurate Final Answer wins what are you doing Carol I'm I'm counting would you mind saying the last line of the oh yeah your time starts now cus I think you're on to a loser here really because everyone's expecting you

to do well when counting is involved yeah but I think I did do well oh okay no one ever says that I bumped into Rachel Riley at a show and she said that on countdown she works all the sums out live but you used to have a [Applause] calculator classic toxic masculinity pitting women against each other yeah you're right she didn't say that she's a huge fan of you just I wanted to get some beef going I didn't realize it was cuz I was so hateful of women that's thing Greg let's have a look okay fres

h from another chicken shop date it's Amelia de molenberg and fresh from being named the guardian's album of the year as self-esteem it's Rebecca Lucy Taylor can I have a pen and paper please yeah there you go thank you 29 that's the door Amelia 29 wear these goggles until the doorbell rings oh my God I usually pay someone to see like this don't so yeah the p is [ __ ] useless then isn't it I'm going back in [ __ ] see you in a minute yeah stand behind the barrier until the doorbell next Rings v

ery good what stand behind the barrier with the binoculars how many dots have you counted so far 17 right but what I'm going to do is Cordon it off in my mind oh and just like times 17 by how many areas I think there are on the page does that make sense what's the point of these so you can see the dots these are low budget thank you shout until the doorbell next rings I'm do mys okay I'm shouting I'm sh I'm shouting seven oh God someone's calling someone's calling 56 wear boxing gloves and an ey

e patch and count like a pirate so uh this isn't working you meant to be speaking like a pirate i h hes can I have a calculator can I have a calculator we'll talk about that when you come back from the door feed the black bird all of the seeds is it going to me a real bird okay can I have a calculator seven * 16 right hello got on a swimming hat and swimming goggles and giggle I can't count and giggle at the same time 7 52 I'm going to say 200 and 93 that's embarrassing sorry how good do I look

in a sing cat you really do there was a lot of screaming involved in your attempt it's a lot going on Rebecca what I'm going to do is cordin it off in my mind and times 17 by how many areas I think there are yeah much like David BWI would have done it I think when he was off his nut on drugs let's talk about how [ __ ] your pirate Impressions work why well that's better than you did on the film you do know what a pirate is both of you right we're young they're toxic they were toxic they are toxi

c why I like them so much neither have noticed that we were turning over the no I just yes and you did have to count all the dots and that's the dots on both sides and if you were only counting the dots on one side of me you didn't do that badly you said 752 there were 871 on each side oh well I take it back I'm a genius yes I mean you are 990 out yeah but it's not as bad as I thought it was and not as bad as Rebecca's 293 very good who's next next up it's a super fast man and a super fast mind

it's sir moof Farah and Carol vman On Taskmaster yes here they are big ones first 1 two 3 three four five God [Music] God where these goggles I didn't think it' be that easy and now the black's gone White and The White's gone black okay doorbell again Mike how we getting on with the dots I started it can't do two things at once can I no shut until the doorbell next rings [Music] hello are you having a nice day not bad Carol am I answering the phone you do whatever you want Carol okay no I'm stil

l doing my calculations I'm losing my mind here hi Mo hello I'm good at counting oh in Pirate language cuz I've lived in Bristol or brazle as we say in BR of course which just SK lash have we changed them around what do you mean the borders Chang that's weird that's changed color that's that Fe the flat B oh hello heyo open up nice and gentle got any other orifices this black bird I imagine he's got one other 17 GLE and a this is easy that's definitely changed right you're flipping it 1,440 5 [L

aughter] Seconds thank you Mo wa how many dots are there on the on the card well there are two sides to this card are there now yes and I think they must be same on the other side so I'm going to time St by two is 2,880 1,600 I think an 83 wait using my brain I think I use it do wow you did not disappoint it was a remarkable attempt it was her answer was 1,683 there was 1,742 she was only 59 hour oh my and by start contast Mo I'm a bit worried that they're going to take you Knighthood off you fo

r this who knows he did spot that we were turning it over and so we double his number unfortunately his number was a huge number huge if if you hadn't doubled it you would have been closer than you were after you did double I thought you got CL yeah you were 1,138 out in the end but I think something really good came out of your attempt and I U during it I asked for a clip of it because I don't think I'll ever Tire of watching this here we go [Music] hello hello [Music] hello hello that's going

to be my long clock hello do you want to stop it I'm not bored I think we should try and make it a thing do it GRE [Applause] hello finally he's not a bad Greg at all he's up there just behind Greg Dyke and Greg The Hammer Valentine it's Greg James wow I was really making your eyes Okay around about there 50 where was I it was about there and it was 50 oh a lot of people today do I have to get the door or could you get the door I can't get the door okay the fly will get the door stand behind the

barrier until the doorbell next Rings it's really stuck oh the barrier here right can I take the glasses off or do they oh somewhere at the door I was on about 60 coming in the house do I have to answer that up to you it feels like a phone where's the [Music] phone hello 1 4 2 someone at the door Greg 1 1 7 4 2 the door going hang on just hold on a second 1742 one boxing gloves now but the the phone said one 724 hang on would you like a seed sir who was the lady he called me Jesus ow my God 15

seconds left 15 seconds of giggling how many dots on the card Greg 1724 maybe well you threw yourself into it it's tmas it's not supposed to be fun it's Taskmaster it's not supposed to be fun it's gone straight into the book of quotes congratulations you're welcome it was the first bit of lateral thinking we've seen really and that he investigated the phone he investigated not he answered the phone I did and then he forgot what the lady said yeah he was only 18 out he went for 1,724 so he has go

t the full Five Points great four to Carol three to Amelia two to Mo and Rebecca just the one one and she's all out on her own in the lead it's Carol vman with eight points at the moment right what is next please well it's time for another of your favorites Greg it's a mkey [Music] massage he oh dear car massage chair can I sit in it yes is this your sort of thing no do you know how to sit on one of them mhm make yourself comfortable I should warn you once you put your face in you can't take it

out can I read mhm recreate the picture that Alex is holding your face your face must not move from this position Alex we'll show you the picture for for 5 seconds when you finish reading the task and then for a further 3 seconds every time you land a ball in a bucket where's a bucket best Recreation of the picture wins you have 10 minutes oh this is going to be really unfair because people have longer arms people do you have 10 minutes your time starts now Carol I did write down a little quote

from you before we crack on and see these you said this is unfair because people have longer arms Rebecca didn't speak for some time in that task not even to say hello to Alex and then she made a [Music] noise I honestly have no idea what that was I really enjoyed it let's have a look at their attempt proper okay it's Amelia Carol Greg Mo and Rebecca oh that's what You' got to recreate oh Jesus okay can I hold on to it no no no no no you good at painting I am actually but I can only paint ladies

boobies me too where's the bucket oh my God hang on hang on what are you trying to do I'm trying to get the canvas where's the bucket ah no I'm not the bucket yeah but if I hit you enough you might tell me where the bucket is the bucket's behind you okay yes you got one in the bucket [Music] okay sounded like I hit the bucket duck I knew there was a [Music] duck yes oh my God I'm a genius do you want me to start the massage I'm using this okay sure well what do you mean could I've said no yes o

kay no then okay all the way down yes please could I have it in my hand ah because I might be able to do bricks to Taskmaster has been more erotic than I expected it to be a lot of people say [Music] that it all right yeah it feels great yeah what are you doing oh are you ready mate yeah that was incredible did it one more [Music] time can I grab this yeah whatever you want that is so [ __ ] forget about the pain that made my day right was there zebra zra if you get a ball on a bucket I'll show

you okay 10 seconds so I think I'm just going to have to start throwing it and there we go and there's a sky wow cow cone clouds [Music] done again yes ah God didn't it [Music] yeah well yet again Mo you managed to eclipse the uh the actual task that's going on because all I can think about is the Joy on your face tears rolling down actual tears rolling down I don't think at any point I saw you painting yeah he didn't after one of those massages there was no more painting it was just he threw it

he got it in looked at the picture had another massage this is a picture Mo was trying to recreate and this is Mo's attempt it gave up at that point yeah we can see them side by side and that is a comb on the cow's head yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Rebecca you do a bit of painting anyway so I'm expecting big things from you yeah okay well here is Rebecca's painting yeah very good I like the colors I should say mo is better because he didn't use the mirror he just looked up well art is very sub

jective isn't it so it depends on what you think better is it is mine's more emotional yours had a knob on the side of there is that there is that well do you want to see Carol vman's picture yeah I had high hopes for Carol before you show it because you actually started using the massage things as tools and I thought this is a specialist we're talking about here then you appeared to go absolutely mental at the end and just start throwing paint at the canvas okay bear in mind she was very good a

t counting the dots this is what she did it's genuinely beautiful I don't mind it as a painting it's pry conceptual n [ __ ] let's have a look at Amelia's beautiful picture okay here it is a very good good she's labeled it rather than draw on the things words more powerful than images there is Greg's one there a right and bear in mind he was holding it and looking directly at it okay don't stick the boot in I think I'm going to have to do this by squinting and seeing what the closest Recreation

genuinely is can I see them all all five here we go it's not hard to give one point time is it Carol you're not squinting hard enough okay one point to Carol yes two points mhm even when I squint I can see those are words Amelia ah okay two to Amelia I'm going to give Mo's because it's monochrome only the next one up it is three points let's be realistic I can't give anyone five points for this it's an absolute crime against Art but I will give Rebecca and Greg joint Four Points okay joint secon

d place Rebecca and Greg Four Points each okay and finally to kickart the New Year it's a STI body fish food scramble [Music] [Applause] [Music] hey good morning hello s it's lovely day isn't it yeah sun's out camera's out all good great day for a task yes sorry I'm jittery ah is that water in there no okay that's a task put the most carp pellets in the fish bowl carp pellets yeah it's combination of fish meal week for you must not Bend at the waist or the knees at any point you have 15 minutes

your time starts now carp pellets oh that's bending at the waist you see huh that would be bending at the [Music] waist cig when you were reminded not to bend at the waist it appears to me that you started walking like a cartoon Frankenstein's monster I don't I don't know why the moment took me and I was actually buying time cuz I didn't know what the [ __ ] carp pellets were milia didn't even know what carp was you thought carp was short for carpet let's start with moof Farah and Greg Jammer he

re we go beware the rooms are booby trapped what does that mean I'll look it up for you if you want H apparently harmless object containing a concealed explosive device designed to detonate when someone touches it that be fun one it okay let's go is that appropriate walking lovely no [Music] bending booby trapped yeah the rooms are booby [Applause] trapped wrong [Music] way ah oh here we be careful [Music] okay [Music] [Applause] [Music] okay oh yeah all the rooms are booby trapped the left oh o

h no another pulley oh it's a big [Music] one oh I know that noise I found [Music] them done thank you Samo you look very natural with your stiff legs get used to it mod you find the concept of booby trapping intrinsically hilarious when you were greeted by your first hazardous device he shouted hello greig I think that all of your failings were largely because you chose to keep your arms straight I think but if my arms were stiff then everything else was going to be stiff they did set off two o

f the booby traps but Greg got 23,29 to pellets say population of ANM if you want to picture it County ANM did it population of amam in Buckingham for Mo that's even more 24546 yeah good start very effective C pallet work it was now it's time to see Amelia and Carol right I'm going to go inside first okay okay watch those knees that's like it thank you Carol sorry no holy oh God that's a bad idea right this is a fish bowl isn't it [Music] snowfish that's St G okay how do you get up places withou

t don't be so quick with everything right what baby trap is there here ah [Music] haa [Applause] [Music] good Oh no you're right Carol that's a swis need a shuy thing do you got your Sledge where where have you not look like in the sky in the sky that's not bad right I'm going to leave that about 45 seconds left 40 seconds 40 seconds 10 seconds thank God for that right bye bye-bye see you see you you were both quite surprised by the booby traps every time apart from the one in the dome which you

were prepared for well some of mine didn't go off apparently yeah you kind of got lucky Amelia or I just outsmart though Carol I requested a still picture of you I requested Carol's straight body lean look at the angles well it worked for her she got the population of Bathgate in West she looks like a robot that's run out of power tell me how bad Amelia did Amelia very bad she got the population of Market warsop in Nottingham she had 9,000 pellets not a lot compared to 23,000 for Carol she was

only 42 G less than Greg if you had managed to get a few more in the lab you might have beenen him so you're in third place there's a Trixie fish pellet task that still needs completing and it needs completing by someone who really knows how to seize the day yes carp DM it's Rebecca Lucy Taylor ah [ __ ] [Music] lovely I'm going this [Music] way you going back in there I'm going to going to I'm going to brush him up okay okay I'm going to move on can I go in here then yeah sorry I'm getting down

here then it landed the right way up isn't it you could have get on the floor without bending without hurting yourself oh God my knees go in there really brief though brief Bend yeah I didn't I didn't see a [Music] Bend [ __ ] out [Music] was this a stupid idea I wouldn't always travel like that right oo [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] okay yes [ __ ] you Greg James I've won there sure surely you went under the trip wies it's Mission Impossible 45 seconds left they stink as wel

l yes they do thank you I'm worried about what this is going to do to my career yeah well I was worried about your career when you were just the weird jerky Clockwork lady you kept shouting [ __ ] but then the system really kicked in I got very competitive the thing is you never see your own ass from any other angle really than the one you choose to see it from this is like exposure therapy looked all right looked all right she managed to get a lot of pellets in the bowl she got the population o

f Falmouth in Cornwall MOS was 24546 Rebecca 24,000 38 you're in second place but at Five Points to most Farah very I'll just summarize it five to Mar four to Rebecca three to Greg two to Carol and just one to Amilia deal great quick at the scores yes Greg unfortunately Amelia you're the only one still in single figures so Mo far is in the lead with 15 now wow he head up the St for the final Tas show hello you lovely little nerds who will be reading the Tusket please I'd like Carol vman to read

out the task please vs okay let's see what Horrors right obey Greg's instructions you must only obey the instruction which start with Greg says Greg says the person who obeys Greg's instructions best wins it's basically Simon says no I think I think we're the first people to come up with this idea um so you have to only obey the instructions that start with Greg says your coats have pockets indicated by those red markings you also have a bum bag which is red on your table you have a rocket a loc

ket a sock a humbug and a plum flag everyone ready yeah I think so here we go Greg saves put the sock in your right pocket Greg says put the rocket in your left pocket Greg says put the locket in your inside pocket now move the rocket to your right pocket Greg says put the humbug in your bum bag Greg says put the rocket in your bum bag Greg says put the sock in your lower pocket hang on Greg says put the humbug in your inside pocket now swap the sock and the locket and move the rocket to your le

ft pocket what's the hug Greg says swap the plum flag and the humbug oh [ __ ] Greg says swap the locket and the rocket Greg says put the sock in your bmag where's the sock Greg says put the humbug in your lower pocket found hug Greg says swap the contents of your inside pocket with the lower pocket Greg says move the rocket to your left pocket and for a minute and Greg says swap the humbug with the locket and finally the big one put the rocket in your inside pocket no on the count of three plea

se show me the contents of your right pocket one two 3 it should be empty they've all got it right wow let's put our hands in our left pockets and on the count of three let's reveal one two 3 a rocket rocket we have three correct people Amelia Carol and mo have got it the rocket gone let's have a look at your lower pocket now it's the one down here and on the count of three 1 2 three we should have nothing at all correct incorrect incorrect did you have anything Mo no you got it right I knew it

did you get it right no let's go to our inside pocket and see what we have one two three a locket well done Mo well done Rebecca and finally let's open up our bum bags what have we got this is the big one you should have a plum flag a sock and a humbug oh I lost the rapper but Amelia's got them exactly right oh I also have a locket though nearly exactly right Carol has got the sock so has Greg so has Mo and so has Rebecca Lucy Taylor but you've also got a rocket so that's it Greg We'll add those

up we'll add them to your final scores come back down and join me that exciting wasn't it I loved it good I can tell you that Greg James only got one item in the correct pocket he came last and gets one point bad two people came joint third and those were Rebecca and Carol who had two things in the right Pockets three points each because in joint first five points they got four items correct Amelia and mo yes done well done and it is a quite incredible scoer at the end there is no one in last p

lace oh there's no one in fourth place what there's no one in third place four people have the same score that's nice and those people are Amelia Carol Greg and rebec which means some Farah winds are [Applause] special please head up to the stage to pick up your prizes and be triumphant from your trophy have a great year and join us soon for another series but for now it's our special treats winner please sir Mo Farah [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] W for more Ta

skmaster subscribe [Music] now