The End Of Indian Street Food

It is difficult...to make videos on the internet. You have to go and do things... by yourself. To prove all these things as myths, lies, and misunderstandings, we have food vloggers. Come hither, let us show you. You eat all this stuff? - Yeah daily. Then you already are a food vlogger! - Dude let me take the dry paani puri! - Dry puri!! Come on, found a new business for you. From now, don't even consume a bite of food without the camera. So that food vloggers aren't offended, ~ Amul butter jing

le~ A lot of butter (non-sponsored 'smooth like butter' promotion) Now they'll be happy! We also love butter! Butter! (*ARMY approves*) "Amul Butter. Oh wow." Food..vvvvloggers. Meaning CCTV cameras of street food. Where they go to record food videos with commentary. "This is some secret spice used by sir which he can't tell the name of." "This is some secret spice used by sir which he can't tell the name of." (ewww) With commentary. Whose CD the DJ has kept stuck at one place. "So look here,

these are the tomatoes." *incessant chants of "look here"* (*kids when you're on the phone*) These people think we turn away our faces after playing a video. "Look at this bro" x4 "Look at this bro" Oh this is where I had to look! And I was searching there. "Look here bro now rabid (=sweet dish) will be put" "Look here bro" "Look here bro" I am looking bro, I am! I'm looking more at you than girls. They have 170 million views then too "look here" x 100. They'll say 'look here'. Then they'll verb

ally subtitle every scene before them. (*sed subtitler noises*) "The first one is on the pan." "And now the second dosa is about to go" "This is the third dosa" That's fine; I know how to count. "This is the fourth dosa" "And now the fifth dosa is ready to go" The stove is burning but the chefs must be getting cooked instead. If I were there then: Our first bread is about to go. First bread guys; look here, guys look here. One...two..er.. the second bread is here guys. The second bread is almost

done guys. look here, the third bread is about to get ready guys. Look here, here guys. Yeah yeah RD Sharma shut up. And the fourth one is ready guys. The fourth one is ready guys. Then they'll bore every vendor by playing unnecessary KBC (~ Who Wants To Be A Millionaire) "So brother what are you applying first?" "What is this you're applying?" "Ans what is this brother?" (balm. for the headache you're causing) "And what is going after this?" "And what is this brother?" - "Sir this is green chu

tney" "So green chutney it is" No it is Shrek's milk. What kinda food vlogger are you? Brother what is this? And what is this? "This is chilli" Okay, and what is this? "It's a vada pav can't you see? "You're making a video don't you know that much?" (food and vlogger, both roasted) (W A S T E D) Then this. Which they love even more than themselves. Which is settled in their hearts. Literally. All the cholesterol settles there. HALF A KILO butter for local omelette. ('smooth' criminals murderin

g food) "Oh wow look this entire bar will go here" "Like this on the pan!" By which even your soul will go to heaven like this! My cholesterol rose just by looking at this. "Bro this entire brick will go there" Brick? THIS IS AN BLOCK. THIS IS AN ENTIRE BLOCK OF BUTTER. (new Minecraft block found) This amount last 2 months in my house. (same) "Look at this brother." "This is an amazing thing." "This is an amazing thing." He's growing hot just by seeing warm butter. At least let them cook someth

ing. So much for butter? "Look at this brother, look at this." "Oh wow. This is an amazing thing." He doesn't look up dirty videos on incognito mode but looks up Amul butter hot sizzling hd clips (xD) His No Nut November probably got destroyed by butter. "This is an amazing thing." "Ohhh bro" (dude chill tf down?) "This is exactly what we wanted!" You adore their every stupid mistake when the food vendor is your crush. "This is exactly what we wanted!" ~Aadmi Ch***** Hai, Kuch bhi chahta hai~ (

Man is stupid, he wants anything) "This is exactly what we wanted!" Even I want to go naked on the streets and do the Jugnu challenge but we can't do it right?! "Look at the fire below oye hoye hoye hoye" (Homo Erectus seeing fire) "Amazing." Seeing fire for the first time? Do you rub stones together at home? These people hype even the smallest things. "Brother, the entire thing, oye hoye hoye hoye" "Oye hoye hoye" Do some hadippa and burrrrah let's do the entire Bhangra! "Oye hoye hoye" After t

his, street food guys knew that if they put butter, then they'll get attention. So now, 2 boxes of butter in dal! Does butter flow through the taps? (not sure about taps but veins? perhaps) Is Amul owned by your uncle? Butter TEA! (HOW ATROCIOUS) Next year they would be grating cheese in tea. Then there will be a Pan Parag tea. Ae shut up don't give them ideas. Oh yeah they'll even make it dumb people. "so you put butter in this?" - "Yeah" So you put butter right? Yeah so we'll record only that

. Otherwise I'm going to that vendor. He uses a bar of butter to bathe. They hadn't had enough of their butter affair that they are wooing someone else. Cheese. Not on the vada pav dude! You'll go to hell for this! Rohit Sharma will hit you with a bat. NOOOOOO (ew ew ew that sound) Splishing sound of death. After touching our hearts, ~ Behti haha sa tha joh ft. vada~ where is the vada look for it. ~ Behti haha sa tha joh ft. vada~ Brother bring a JCB we need to dig it out. "There would be no fu

n eating a vada pav without cheese" Yeah you won't enjoy it Food Vlogger You must be putting up preferences on Tinder as well "Want girl with cheese" They'll put cheese with open heart So that your heart closes. (rip) Now if you want to call food vloggers on your shop either put the universe's stock of cheese and butter in the dish or do every other crime except making food. They'll reach there to promote it. 440 volt electric shock worth bhel! "Where did you obtain this from?" "All this comes f

rom abroad" "Everything comes from a different place. France, Europe, Italy" (yeah it also comes from the OnlyCapLand) And this potato comes from my womb. Whatever? "Comes from Europe, comes from Italy" He's saying 'comes here' as if the chillies are themselves booking flight to travel. They book a rickshaw from the airport to fall here on the bhel. Oh so it has arrived! Is it from Italy this time or France? "Even Barack Obama likes this a lot" (NANI?!) "Whenever he comes to India he always ta

kes packets of these from me" Are my ears malfunctioning? "Even Barack Obama likes this a lot" What? "Whenever he comes to India he always takes packets of these from me" Imagine Barack Obama holding a packet of spices in hand. He's carrying them to America like this. This security? No dude he was carrying truckfuls of spices. Obama used to sprinkle these spices on dahi vada in the White House. (xD) "And Kim Jong-Un bro from South Korea" (from WHERE) "these are his favourite gram. That's how hi

s brain is so fast" Kim Jong...? Bro he fries gram after blasting them with missile. Your brain is the one running ahead. "We'll definitely certify that you are a Mirchi Maharaja" (= Spice King) "You'll get a certificate like this." *mimics* My son is studying in Oxford! My son has eaten bhel! He even has a certificate. I hope Ambani doesn't hand over the chairmanship of Reliance seeing this certificate. "Look at this bro. This is an amazing thing." Either speak some nonsense or keep outrageous

prices for the vloggers for their video titles. Wedding Paan worth Rs. 2100. Which ironically starts from applying lime. (= idiom "choona lagana" = dupe someone) 2100...are we getting married or the paan? The paan is sitting in the mandap after all. ~Mehendi lagake rakhna, doli sajake rakhna~ (keep henna applied, keep palanquin decked~ "So there are plans worth Rs 51000? and where do the prices begin from?" "They range from 5100 to 51000" (bruh there are hundred different uses for that amount e

xcluding this) Paan worth Rs 51000. Yeah it comes with a filling of iPhone X with petrol inside. And the betel leaf is licked by Tom Cruise. They spew anything when they see a camera. Just to fool some food vloggers. "We've heard that brother here did a course on Maggi from Bombay" "Is this true?" "He has done a course on Maggi." (if you had to do a "course" on Maggi... may the force be with you) What a detailed course damn! This must a minimum 4 semester course. Bro please gimme the notes as w

ell. "This is an amazing thing." One uncle has prepared an entire performance to attract food vloggers. "Oh wow dude." "Come on my dear sweetheart! Nice boy nice boy!" "Nice boy nice boyyyy!" Why did he become a wicketkeeper suddenly? "Come on my dear sweetheart" "Nice boy nice boyyy. I like it." "Hope you go further in life. May you prosper and grow." He fed it to him, and then bathed him. When the fire is in the stomach, he's sprinkling water outside. Oh no there's a fire on the 20th floor!

I'll save everyone. (points for the effort) "The experience is very amazing." That is evident from the face how amazing the experience is. If you do some some premium stupidity then only you'll get food vloggers' attention. So everyone put their dishes in the recycle bin. Vada pav...without a vada! But chips instead! (Naruto...without anyone named Naruto) "Now we're going to make a sandwich without bread." "This is how you make sandwich without bread." "Look here the bread-less sandwich is read

y." Without bread...? That is called a salad dumbass. But if they'll call it a salad then the food vloggers won't come. So SaNdWiCh WiThOuT BrEaD. So without spice, and without noodles... Maggi! Faster than 2 minutes. Biryani...without chicken and rice. "This is an amazing thing." *bell rings* Oh it has arrived let's make a video on this too. Dude they're putting Eno in food. After which: *extended burping noise* (apologies to earphone users and those who were eating anything) Fanta in Maggi. "

Very absurd taste" (no shit Sherlock) We could guess that much without even eating it. Fanta in omelette. (*gouges out eyes*) "How did you think of this?" "Just like that" "Public demand." "Public demand." (what public is this) Is your shop outside some pub? Because such demands can only be made by a drunk public. Oreo fritters?!?! (no please no stop with the blasphemy) "And there goes our Oreo cookies" "Oreo cookies in gram flour batter" "See the gram flour has been coated around this." Cadbur

y guys are gone. They jumped in their lake of chocolate and died. Gone. "See the gram flour has been coated on this." "And now this is going into the cauldron." My brain has been deep fried. MY BRAIN HAS BEEN TURNED INTO FRITTERS WATCHING THIS. "There is Oreo inside the fritter." (you don't say) Such a heinous crime can only be forgotten by Ghajini. "It's not as if this is a recent thing." "Bro said that Oreo fritters have been in demand for 15-20 years as kids' favourite." (hold up) "For 15-2

0 years" That time Oreo wasn't even there in India. Ohhh. Obama must be giving Oreos in exchange of those spices. International business. Trade and all. This Fanta omelette and fritters seemed weird huh. Bro unless there's a 40-50 kg dish in the plate then what have you even eaten. Bahubali sandwich. "Sir for how long have you been operating this shop?" "And this Bahubali concept-?" - "Since 1995" "Since 1994-95?" Ey you braggart. The person who made Bahubali movie must be learning to make movi

es himself. He got the idea after eating your sandwich right? "Sir what is this thing?" -"Baby corn." "Sir what is this thing?" *a round of applause* Knowledgeable food vlogger guys. (only its kanaoledge)` "Sir what is this thing?" Bro they're crocodile's grandsons. "You're making a video don't you know that much?" Whatever uncle couldn't sell out yesterday he's putting that in the sandwich today. Corn...capsicum pineapple jam Schezwan sauce cheese jalapeños Skoda Laura garlic "And then topped b

y cabbage" (symbolic of sandwich dying and getting buried) Dude so much grass isn't there even on football fields. "See its look guys. It isn't called Bahubali sandwich for nothing." Totally. It is looking like Bahubali from every angle. They totally made it like a twin brother. But before Katappa, I'll kill him. No one will even ask why. Everyone will praise me. And after eating just the roof of a 50-storeyed sandwich "Friends this is the best." "it is mind blowing." "The taste is just like th

e name." "The taste is just like the name." Bro...how tf do you know Bahubali's...taste? (very sus indeed) Cheese inside sandwich. Okay give it. Sauce on the bald side? Maybe they forgot to put it inside. (every superhero's underwear ever) MORE CHEESE ON TOP OF IT?! BRO STOP IT BROTHER. DUDE LIVE MURDER PLOTTING IS GOING ON WHY IS NO ONE RAISING A VOICE? HELLO CBI?! OH CBI! A butter cap on the cheesy hair. My pants got tight just by looking at this. Bro butter is supposed to be inside. You kept

it on top? And on the butter cap, CHOCOCHIPS?? (I have so many questions) Oh wait wait I forgot to wash that shirt! So I'll just keep this on top. *WOWW* This will do the trick. This detergent. Eye! Dude keeping it on top does the trick! We remain confused between science and commerce this guy can't decide between main course and dessert. And what to do with this kilo of butter? Should I rub it on my chest and lie on the pan instead? It will make more sense than the sandwich. When you sweep t

he surface for 10 minutes then you'll reach the bread. The sandwich was ready before What was the need to put it in a white igloo? They board the train for Mumbai but en route they reach Kala Bakra instead. Here too they made an omelette, and then put the entire vegetable market on it! With a milk stream. From this frame it seemed he was putting milk directly from the buffalo bro at least show it properly. "Okay tandoori mayo?" "This is cottage cheese" (PFFT) "This cottage cheese will go there

." And even my appetite is gone. Somewhere far. Its not coming back man. "Then some pomegranate on top." "Some dry fruits." "Are these grapes sir?" "Oh brother." "So let's taste this omelette guys." (404 omelette not found) Omelette? What omelette? Where? Just like when you dig too much, then you discover a civilisation that's how far below the omelette is. It was made in some different era, now a whole new world is there on top of it. (even Aladdin can't show around this world) "So is it done s

ir? Is it ready?" - "yes yes almost done." So much flora and fauna You can chuck these in a wedding. It will last longer than the saat pheras. (= 7 circumambulation around sacred fire in wedding) Swaha! (= chant said during the same) Is the wedding over? I will chuck these on myself what to do. "Look at how loaded this looks." "how loaded this looks." Even my local gun is loaded. Bye guys. NOO ABHYUDAYA NO. HE'S SERVING A BOUQUET IN THE NAME OF OMELETTE DUDE. - NO ABHYUDAYA NO DON'T GIVE UP YOU

R LIFE OVER SUCH A TRIVIAL THING. THIS IS A SMALL THING? YEAH! - TRIVIAL THING?! ABHYUDAYA NOOOOO. (rip and same) Just like this, either make the dish weird or keep the name crappy. Sunny Leone Burger. (sigh) Carryminati Maggi! (this Maggi roasts anyone who takes a bite at it) "This is Carryminati Maggi" "After eating this your body and soul will be ablaze." Now how do you also know...Carryminati's...taste? And those whose variety is chhola (=chickpea) "Sir we have normal, sexy, super sexy" "Bro

send a super sexy to home...fresh hot." *Police sirens* (fresh hot...prison food) Dude I was talking about the chhola! I am a regular customer here! (not helping the case) Dude the chhola! So ʇɥɐʇ ᴉs ᴉʇ ɟoɹ ʇopɐʎ ƃnʎs. (so that is it for today guys) Dude if you ever go to a street vendor then please tell that a lot better is happening By promoting this, only your viewers and consumers won't survive. And if you don't wanna eat Fanta omelette or Oreo fritters for dinner then do like the videos a

nd so subscribe or you'll have to eat the 5kg butter omelette. And we'll see you guys in the next one. (Toodles!) Come on we have to return the butter as well. What will we do with so much butter? Oh god. We'll say that we used it for the shoot and are here to return this. Should we open a stall? Yeah sure! That butter video had gotten 170 million views Shall we make something like that? Yeahhh this much butter would go in one omelette itself. Let's go. Guys who'll visit our stall? "This is an

amazing thing"