The Presidents Visit South Park!

Alright class. We have some new students here today. Mkay? So I want everyone to be kind and respectful to them. Mkay? Come on in, kiddos. (footsteps) Oh my god! These guys look like the biggest losers I have ever seen! Aye, screw off loser! Mr. Mackey! He's being mean to me! I think you should punish him! Hey mister teacher, is that how you people treat new guests? I think he deserves detention! Now hang on kiddos. I'm sure we can work this out, mkay? Work it out with my ass! Mr. Mackey, are yo

u gonna punish this loser or what? He is super mean and stupid! Fuck off fatass! Maybe you should get up off your ass and drink some water instead of drinking soda everyday! In fact, I bet there's a giant pond under your seat from your sweat marks so maybe you should just drink that! (footsteps) Listen here, Donald! While your here, you are representing North Middle School! That means that your ass has to behave! Also! I noticed that the teachers lounge doesn't have any snacks! What kind of bull

shit is that?! Where are you hiding the teacher snacks?! Oh, uh. We don't have any teacher snacks, we have to pack our own food. Mkay? That's fuckin bullshit! Guess I gotta go to McDonald's for lunch! God damnit! Um. Sir? May I please ask you to not swear in front of the children? They are very impressionable. Haha! Yeah! This is bullshit! Haha! I can say it because that guy said it! Are you seriously undermining my authority in front of the children? Where do you get off? I will say whatever I

damn well please! And I don't work here so good luck firing me! HA! Now if you'll excuse me. The teachers lounge is call my name! I'm gonna go kick back and watch the new season of Cops! While your ass sits here and teaches these naughty ass kids! (footsteps) (door slam) Hey guys. You ready for the school field trip? No this is gonna suck! Why are they making us go to a boring nature park? I'm excited! I can't wait to see all the pretty trees and the giant mountains! We shoulda just gone to the

zoo or the arcade or something! But no! This school is broke as hell! So they have to resort to taking us to the boring forest! Because they can't afford anything that's actually cool! Chill out bro! This will be fun as long as we make it fun! Yeah it ain't all that bad! I heard that the Rocky Mountains are pretty cool! Alright everyone! Start lining up! Everyone's ass better be on that bus within the next five minutes or there will be hell to pay! Joe scoot over I have literally no room at all!

I'm touching the window, I can't move over anymore! It's ok Joe! It's not your fault! Donald is just a fat piece of garbage! Hahahaha! Good one Vlad! Screw off Vlad! It's because they made us sit in the handicap seat! This is bullshit! They made you sit there because they know you'll need constant supervision because you are a pathetic little bus rat. Haha! No way! Another Vlad classic! I hope you brought a towel to clean up the ass sweat! This is going to be a long bus ride. Yeah Donald, your

fat! Haha! Your an asshole Vlad! From now on, I'm gonna make sure that all of my bus farts are pointed at you! Alright everyone! Shut the hell up! We have a super long bus ride ahead of us, and me and the bus driver need to stay focused on directions! So if any of you little assholes decide to bother us, it better be important! Man look at that it's getting dark outside. For real. I wonder what kind of hotel we will be staying in. I hope they have a breakfast buffet. That would be pretty cool. S

orry to bring your hopes down but They are making us stay at a Super 8 motel. Wow! That's gonna be so much fun! Do you think they have a pool? If they do it will be filled with cigarettes and condoms. We're staying in a motel? Is that even safe? Yeah seriously. I feel like that wouldn't be safe for a bunch of kids. (crash) (whispering) What was that? I think we ran over something. Ah! I have Doctor Pepper all over me! Sorry Joe! It's not my fault! The dumbass bus driver hit something! What the f

uck was that? What happened? I don't know! I think we must've hit a rock or something! God damnit! Of course! (bus engine) We're stuck! She won't turn over at all! Oh for the love of god! Hang on while I get in contact with Triple A! This is bullshit! Alright everyone! Looks like we will be sleeping on the bus tonight! This piece of shit bus won't start! Shut up! It's time to go to sleep! If anyone makes a fuckin sound, I will make sure that they get detention for the rest of the year! Alright e

veryone! Rise and fucking shine! I got in contact with Triple A and the bus is fucking totaled! Therefore, we will no longer be going to the national park! (kids booing) Aww what? That's ass! This is so unfair! Yes! Thank the heavens! This is a miracle! I'm not done talking yet! As I was saying, we are stuck here for a few days. But that doesn't mean that we should halt the beauty that is the American education system! Therefore! You guys will be attending school with the local population! What?

! You have to be fucking kidding me! We just sat in a bus for the last 24 hours only to go back to school?! This is bullshit! Donald, I swear to fucking god! Do not test me today! Now everyone get off the bus! It's time to go to your new school for the next few days! Where are we? I wonder what this school is gonna be like. Maybe we will make some new friends! Seriously this is gonna be bullshit! It doesn't matter where we are! It's still just gonna be boring ass school! Hey look! There's a sign

over there! (intro) Wow, this school is so different! What the fuck are you talking about? This is literally exactly the same! Stupid ass teachers, evil cool kids and a failing infrastructure how the hell is it any different?! Dude why are you so heated? We literally just got here. Yeah seriously. Your going to be miserable if your already complaining in the first hour of us being here. Hey guys! I have to go potty! Where's the potty at? How the hell are we supposed to know that?! Please! Pleas

e help! I really really need to go! It's an emergency. Oh for crying out loud can you please not make a scene? Just go ask someone Joe. Everyone here seems pretty nice! Oh god! Ok fine! I'm not even joking! He literally took a shit inside Mr. Garrisons lunch box! Oh my god seriously? Cartman is such an asshole! Hey uhh. Excuse me! Do you know where the potty is? (laughing) Hey um! Excuse me! Can you please tell me where the restroom is? It's an emergency! Hey um. Excuse me. Can you please tell m

e where the restroom is? It's an emergency. Well sure! I can help you! Follow me! (toilet flush) Feel better? Much better. Thank you. Well of course. My name is Butters by the way. What's yours? Hi Butters! I'm Joe! It's nice to meet you Butters! It's nice to meet you too Joe! Hey um. Do you maybe wanna? Uh. Do you wanna be friends? Yeah. Ide like that. Let's be friends. Yes! This is awesome I made a new friend! Hey me too! Woohoo! Do you wanna see my collection of roses? Wow! You collect roses?

Me too! Really? I've never met anyone else who collects roses before! Mean either! I'm always afraid to tell poeple because i'll get bullied. Wow. Really? I'm sorry Joe. I promise that as long as we are friends, I'll never even think about bullying you. Thanks Butters! Mean either! So what do you guys think of the new kids? I don't know. They seem chill I guess. Bro! Seriously? Those guys are the biggest losers I have ever seen! Did you see that one Donald kid? He is so fat! So fat that it made

me wanna cry! Dude you are literally a fatass! You have no right to call someone fat! I'm not fat Kyle! I'm big boned! Cartman! We barely know these people at all! Maybe they're cool! Why don't you try actually being nice and friendly and giving them a shot! Yeah seriously dude. Maybe they're cool and we can hangout with them. Cartman is super gay I'm calling it now! Just you guys wait! I can already tell that these guys are total buttheads! Did you not see how that Donald kid was yelling at me

? Quit being a dumbass Cartman! You literally started that! Shut up jew! Kyle is right! Literally the first thing you said to them is that they were losers. I have a crush on Hilary. How about instead of being an asshole you actually give them a shot as human beings? Ooh! I have an even better idea! What if we pull a massive prank on them! Like sneaking laxatives into their lunches! Dude seriously? We would get into so much trouble if we did that! Did you literally just hear nothing that I just

said? Kyle my friend. We know that you don't wanna do my ultimate prank idea but please don't ruin it for the rest of us. Dude! I'm not doing that shit! I think i'm gonna ask out Hilary! Come on Stan. Are you really gonna trust Kyle the jew? We should all pull an ultimate prank on them and Kyle can sit out because he's a little bitch! Screw you Cartman! If you pull anything on the new kids, I'm gonna tell the teachers. (bell rings) Come on guys. We gotta get to class. Ok class. Our new students

will be joining us today. They might be a little shy. So today, we are going to get you guys into partners. And play a game to break the ice with the new kids. Oh god this is gonna suck! Can we just pick our partners? Yeah seriously. You better not put me with that fat piece of shit! Aw shut up fat ass, stop calling me fat! Donald! Cartman! Let's behave! Don't make me call your parents! What the hell can you even do? My parents live several hours away! Please call them so they can pick me up. Oh

yeah that's right. Hey where the hell are you kid's staying anyways? That's just gonna have to be a plot hole that we have to live with. Huh. Well alright then. Ok kids. I am now going to announce the partners. If you don't like them, you can blame randomlistgenerator.com. so don't come at me! Oh god! Please god! Just don't put me with that worthless Donald kid! Or Kyle! I promise i'll be a good boy for a whole hour if you can do this for me. Amen, Shut up Cartman! You'd be lucky to have me as

a partner. Oh my god guys! If you guys don't wanna play Kahoot, we can just do a pop quiz instead! Everyone please be quiet. Ok here are the partners. George, you are going to be with Kenny. What's up bro? What's up? Well this'll be easy since neither of us talk much. Obamna your going to be with Stan. Hey bro. What's up man? Donald, you're going to be with Butters. Thank god. Nice! That one pairing knocked out two shitty partners! Hang on mister Garrison. Are you sure I can't be with Joe? Me an

d him are friends now! Sorry Butters. I already wrote this list on google docs and i'm too lazy to change it. Joe is gonna be with Cartman. Oh my god please don't put me with that loser! Hey what? Please put me with Butters! Please Mr. Garrison! Please! Shut up guys. Cartman and Donald, you two better behave or I'm gonna have you two sent to the principals office. Ok! I'm not gonna bother announcing everyone else since you guys don't matter that much and don't have names! Begin! How the hell doe

s this game even work? You didn't tell us the rules! It's simple. A question will appear on the board. And each group who gets it right will receive a point. Each group who gets it wrong will get zero points. It's pretty fucking simple if you ask me. I don't wanna play this stupid game! Can we just watch a video or something? Yeah seriously! No one cares about this shit! Alright that's it you two! Looks like I'm gonna need some back up! What the fuck is going on here?! These kids aren't listenin

g. I was hoping you could smack some sense into them since some of these are your kids. Sure thing! Donald! Joe! Obamna! And George! Sit down! Shut up! And play the fucking Kahoot game! Your lucky your doing this instead of a quiz. And by the way. The grades you get at this school will carry over when we go back to North middle school. So you guys better fucking behave and learn the curriculum like good little boys! Fuck this! This is bullshit! Alright! Let me pull up a seat! Looks like this is

going to need some extra supervison! Oh my god that guy is so lame Ok class, first question. Who was the first president of the United States? Oh this is so easy! George Washington! Pick George Washington! Wait! Are you sure? Yes dumbass! George Washington! Pick George Washington! Oops! I'm sorry Donald! My finger slipped and I picked the wrong one! God damnit! I swear to god Joe! Just pick George Washington! I don't know how this thing works. I don't know computers! Oh my fucking god! Why do I

have to get the special needs kid as my partner! Hmmm. That's an easy one. George Washington. Yup! I just picked it. Nice. Ok next question. This one's going to be a bit harder. Which Mesopotamian farming technique was most used in the southern regions of what is now modern day Iraq? What?! What kind of fucking question is that? How the hell are we supposed to know that?! Which one do I pick? Which one do I pick?! Come on guys, we literally went over this last week! Do I need to call your parent

s and get you guys more Adderall for you guys to finally sit down and listen? Come on dumbass your supposed to know this! He said you guys went over it! I don't remember! I don't remember! Oh my god I give up! We have no shot of winning this shit with my stupid ass teammate! Fuck this! Time's running out! Just pick a random one! Um. Ok fine! (incorrect) God damnit! Pick one already come on! (incorrect) Dude, are you actually serious right now? Let's take a look at the leaderboard. Yup! Donald an

d that other kid are in last fucking place! What's fucking new! Ok! Looks like everyone got that one except for Donald's team and Cartman's team! God damnit! This is horse shit! Next question. What is the order of operations for PEMDAS? Come on dude! Come on! Which one is it? Um um. I don't know. Can you help me out? My expertise is in team motivation! Not stupid boring math! Come on already! Pick one! Hey wait! I think I know this one! Parachute expert my dear aunt Sally! Parentheses! Exponents

! Multiplication! Division! Addition! Subtraction! I don't give a damn, just click it! (correct) Yes we got it! We are geniuses! Um! Uh! (incorrect) God damnit! Screw this! I'm not playing anymore! Ha! Looks like someone's mad because they're losing! This isn't even my fault! My partner is useless! Yeah? Well so is mine! Can't we all just get along? Please stop yelling! I get scared easily and I have anxiety! Shut up! Alright! I think we should make this more interesting! After this game, everyo

ne will receive candy except for the team that's in last place! Maybe that will straighten you guys up and finally program you guys into the American education system! Candy you say? That candy is mine! Next question! Who was the princess of England in 1854? Alright come on! I want that candy! Please tell me you actually know this one! Um well I. I don't know this one. Ooh I know this one! Easy! Princess Alexandrina Victoria of Kent! How the hell did you know that? I love princesses! They're so

pretty! I can actually name every single princess in the history of England and France! (correct) Cool! Whatever loser! Now we just have to make sure that Donald and Butters get it wrong! Oh my fucking god what kind of questions are these? Is this math class or history class?! This is bullshit! Joe! Help me out! Which one is it? Jee I don't know Donald. Cartman said I'm not supposed to tell you! Are you seriously gonna listen to that fat ass?! Come on we've been friends since second grade! Give

me the damn answer! Don't do it Joe! We're a team right? Joe come on! Time's running out! Spit it out! Joe! I swear to god! I will embarrass you every single day for the rest of your time here if you give him the answer! Don't listen to him Joe! He's just being a sore loser! I have connections Joe! I have people I can call! Decide wisely! Ok, it's Princess Victoria of Kent! God damnit! Are you actually serious right now?! Thanks bro! Alright Butters you heard the guy! Oops! I picked the wrong on

e! I'm sorry. Can we still be friends? Ha! Classic Butters! That's my boy! Alright looking good! Looks like Stan and Obamna are in the lead! They haven't missed a single question yet! Yeah, yeah. Whatever! Let's take a look at our losers! Oh! Look at that! Donald and Cartman are tied for last fucking place! What a surprise! I guess one of you won't be getting candy! Ok, last question. This one is for all of the marbles. That's right! This is the big one! Time to see which pair of kids has the le

ast amount of brain cells! Also! I just decided that the ultimate loser is also gonna have to see me after class! Let that sink in while you answer this next Kahoot question! You guys have made what was supposed to be a simple Kahoot game, a fucking disaster! Back in the days of ancient Rome... Alexander the Great was a mighty conqueror who took over half of Europe! Historians nowadays believe that he was actually buried alive! He had a condition that made him completely paralyzed yet fully ment

ally aware of his surroundings and what was going on! What was the medical condition that he had that caused this freak accident? What the fuck kind of question is that! We are fucking doomed. I heard that you guys were very disrespectful today during class! That Kahoot game should've taken like 15 minutes! We set you guys up with the special needs students because we trusted you guys! Clearly you guys are offensive and excluding them in our curriculum studies! What do you guys have to say for y

ourselves?! Wait! What? Joe is retarded? Haha. That makes so much sense now. We do not use the "R?" word in this school! You're gonna apologize to the special kids and your gonna do their homework for a week! Hang on a second Joe is not retarded! Who the hell told you that?! Butters on the other hand I would totally believe that! What did I just say about using the "R" word?! You guys will not get away with this offensive and exclusionary behavior! Oh my god dude! Calm the hell down, your breath

stinks man! Did you just call me man?! I'll have you know that I identify as pan-glacial they/them pronouns! Educate yourself before coming to South Park elementary dude! Yeah totally! Whatever that means! I think it's also worth mentioning that they totally fucking sucked at Kahoot! They literally got none of the questions right! They made their pathetic fucking partners do all the work! How dare you Donald! How dare you represent the glory of North middle school in such a horrendous light! It

's not my fault! My partner was a total moron! He didn't know anything! Your partner was a moron?! Try being with that loser Joe kid! He was so stupid that we missed a bunch of questions because he didn't know how to use the damn computer! Oh my fucking god! I cannot handle this offensive language! I thought you guys were better than this! I'll have you know that I've been recording with my iPhone this whole time! And I will make sure that TikTok finds out about this! Prepare for the sheep to si

nk their mighty horns into you guys! (footsteps) I'm gonna sit this one out Mr. Pingas! I am just so ultimately triggered that I am literally shaking right now! I think I might be having an anxiety attack! I'll leave these no good assholes to you! (footsteps) Well! Clearly you guys are in trouble for making fun of the special kids! The incompetent school board never told me about Joe's condition but whatever! I guess that's what we're gonna roll with! You guys are hereby in trouble for making fu

n of and excluding the special needs kids! Ha! Are you fucking serious? I've been partners with Joe several times! Aint no way that he's as special and useless as Butters! Not true! Not true! Butters could run mental laps on that Joe kid! I think I'm gonna agree with Cartman on this one! In fact, I've been trying for months to get all four of you into the special needs classes! Why hasn't the school reached out to your useless father yet?! That's total bullshit! You can't do that! My dad will su

e you! Seriously?! Your dad wouldn't ever get his ass off the couch unless there's a sweet and shiny Modelo waiting for him. (footsteps) Ok! I'm back! I have officially overcame my trigger attack! And we can now start to handout punishments! Maybe we should hire some specialists for these naughty kids. Just like you were telling me about Donald, Cartman has also been a problem time and time again. Perhaps we don't have the necessary medical license to deal with these types of children. Maybe it'

s time to call in a specialist. As a matter of fact Mr. Principal, I couldn't agree with you more. That's exactly why I took it upon myself to bring in reinforcements . Oh god. Please tell me you didn't bring Ben. Who the hell is Ben? Ben is the best and greatest student that North Middle school has ever seen! And as much as I love and admire Ben and his triumphant standing as an excellent student.. He was busy today with his karate tournament. I've brought in someone else. Someone that holds a

very special place in my heart... (deep boom) Back in the day when he was in the middle school, he was my favorite student. He was the coolest and best student that the school had ever seen. All of the teachers adored him! All of the girls loved him! All of the boys want to be him! There was simply no student even close to his social standing at the school. Hey bro. You wanna go to GameSurge with me this weekend? I heard that there is a new Star Wars Battlefront game coming out on the Xbox. No w

ay! Really? That's finally out? I heard that they added space battles to that one! (footsteps) (panting) Yo dude! What's up? Why are you out of breath dude? He's coming! Run away he's coming! Dude what! What are you talking about? Oh god here he comes again! I gotta get outta here! (footsteps) Dude, what? What the heck was that about? (footsteps) What's up losers? Looks like my prey ran away. Time for a beat down! No! Please don't hurt us! We don't have anything! Our hands are dry! Nice try. I k

now you have some lunch money for me. I saw your moms give it to you this morning. Please Samuel. Please! Lunch money now! Or else I'm gonna pound your ass! Ok here it is! Just please leave me alone! (footsteps) Come on! Hand it over loser! (grab) Oh god! I promised my dad I wasn't gonna cry this week! (footsteps) Ha! What a day to be cool and popular! Now I have 10 dollars! Maybe I could make a living off of torturing losers! (footsteps) (music) In all my years in the education system, he truly

stood as the most classy cool kid of all time. (music) Wow! Look at how much money you made today. Oh uh hey dude! I wasn't expecting to see you here, what's up my man? Yeah, save the pony boy stuff for the locker room. I'm here to collect my money. You saw that group text I sent this morning, right? All cool and popular kids are supposed to give me half of their earnings this week. Oh jee! Uh. Half?! Don't you think that's a lot? I had to trip up a lot of losers for this money! Yeah, so uhh. (

music) I'm not gonna ask again. Give me the fucking money. (music) Oop! Sorry guys! Just gotta sneak in here and get something from my locker. OOF! (music) Look man, I'm not scared of you! I spend all day pummeling losers! That shit ain't gonna scare me! Oh. So you don't wanna listen to me. Huh? (music) Well maybe I can help. (music) Taste the special sauce. (music) GAAAH! IT BURNS! (music) Jus remember who's on top from now on! I understand! I understand! ere take all the money! Just please don

't tell my girlfriend about this! (music) He was simply the coolest kid during his time at North Middle school! And miraculously, even after all these years, he just so happened to be in the area for a camping trip! We are blessed to have him come and visit this dump of a school and help be a leading role model to your nasty ass kids!