What I would share with my family and friends in my last lecture | Dr. Paul T. P. Wong | 7th MC 2012

I've no idea how many people would show up and greet Paul Wong. Thank God that you all showed up, thank you for that. Some of the corporate attendees are a little bit worried about my health or my mental state. They think, “what do you mean? Your last lecture, okay?” "Well," I said, "you know, 75 years old, a cancer survivor, you never know when you drop dead, honestly, right?" So, that's why, I mean, some Universities, the university series is all about the last lecture, so that's why it's my l

ast lecture and also this might be the Meaning Conference I run. So, that's why it's titled my last lecture. More importantly, I've a Chinese saying, “when a dying man speaks, people listen.” You guys listen to me because you know why? You have the second you leave or one day when you leave the message you share with your family has to be something important, right? So, today I want to share with you seven lessons I have learned in my life, okay? Seven discoveries because I've had seven Meaning

Conferences and this is the seventh. So, next slide. I don't know how to do anything. Can anyone help me? You can have a good life no matter how bad the situation is and that is a very important lesson. That's why I've been fighting with American Positive psychologists. They all talk about positive psychology is about in times of prosperity and peace and when things are normal and good. I said the opposite, I said, "you can have a life no matter how bad the circumstances, you know why? Because

every negativity can become a positive and any adversity can become an opportunity." So, I'll tell you my life story to support this point. Now, this morning with, related to Peterson, positive psychology is mainly about positive things. Positive Psychology 2.0 is about the bad potential to the dark side of good things and the bright side of bad things. Bad things can be good, good things can be bad, the light side like Yin Yang. So, your life experience can be your sole blessing as I'll reveal

in my own life Now, you ask my own wife, I always say, "I would want under the wrong side. I was an unlucky man. My two sons are lucky people because they're going to a a warm secure home. I'm an unlucky man, but at the same time I'm also the luckiest, your luckiest bad luck guy because why fell at the bottom I've fallen into people's hands." Now, sorry about that. Okay, let me give you the proof that I'm a man of bad luck my birth cause Japanese invasion, Nanjing Massacre, you know? Japan. And

I've the most aggressive kind of cancer that killed 80 percent of people who got that I'm still standing, okay? I got kicked out of church. [Laughter] Now how many of you got kick out of church? I started a new church and the builder my brother, he built this church for me. And I got kicked out by my wife's parents you're just a pastor why did you marry my daughter and so I got kicked out. How many people got kicked out by their wife's parents now? Right, but she still married me thank God for t

hat. I've experienced more rejections, more bad luck than most people, okay? Number two, faith can move mountains. William James believe that life was living and your belief will help you create that fact. Now, everything about psychology began with William James. I could have became an Asian William James, I could. Scientific research a demonstrated, Carl talked about spirituality and science, there are more and more evidence shows the power of faith is more than a placebo effect. Now, if you'r

e a believer you can experience that God can do a witness in your life. So, have faith in God and everything changes, best decision in my life is become a Christian. Now, I know that some of you will become offended, so be it, that's my belief and you have your story. Now, when I was in Australia, I was in Melbourne, University of Melbourne talking to educators. I told them my spiritual journey and after my talk one very well dressed gentleman, "oh, thank you so much you dare to mention this in

a scientific meeting." I do it all the time, okay? That's who I am, I'm a believer first and a psychologist second. okay? Now another thing is that I can talk about all the bad things that happened to me. There's so many of them, but looking back, you know, someone up there is looking up for me. Man, man or woman meant evil, but God meant good. Often evil turns to good. That is my life story. Nothing to outsiders, but I'm almost like the old testament Joseph every bad thing I've gone through act

ually turned into good, okay? And also not only engineered circumstances, but when you actually experienced the blessing these American psychologists don't never understand. Blessed are those who mourn. They talk about happiness. You enhance your happiness doing that and this. I say to be happy you have to mourn when you go through grief. People cry when they want to cry. Mother Teresa, people asked her what is your happiest moment, guess what is her answer? "My happiest moment is to hold a dyin

g man and help him to die in peace." Okay, the third lesson I've learned is that your ability to manage meaning is the most powerful tool for survival. all through this conference, you know, i've been so frustrated with some people because people don't understand it, forget it. You talk about meaning making and this and that, you know meaning management. Your ability to manage meaning is an ability to manage both negative meaning, positive meaning, and their interaction, so that you can help nav

igate through troubled waters to achieve a certain goal. So, this book i've a second edition. There's a lot of evidence and theories. I talk about how to manage both positive emotions, negative emotions, positive thoughts, negative thoughts. Manage them in a way that serve your purpose, the ideal you pursue. Now, meaning is important this is a 利事, right? Do I have a 利事 here? Oh, I've a 利事 packet, see? 利事. That is from my brother, where's my brother? Oscar, where? Hello, Oscar. Thank you for 利事,

lucky money, okay? I don't know how much is inside, but must be good. Now, I emphasize meaning because I've the capacity of making meaning and managing meaning because meaning is a double blessing. Do you know why? The capacity to make meaning is your best protection against bad events internal and external. All the research showing that meaning is related to recovery from grieving, meaning related to mental health and physical health, so it's the best protection. The second thing is that your c

apacity to make meaning is the most promising pathway to healing, to resilience, and flourishing and we talk about it the whole day and there's a lot of things about that. So, if you know how to harness the power of meaning making you'll have double blessings, okay? Now, in the last few days I've had a lot of interviews from TV stations, newspapers, talk shows, they say, "how do I make sense of tragic events like Colombia mass shootings? Or someone who had lost their whole family or someone who

has been abused? How do you help people to make sense of the horrors, I don't know how many psychologists can make do to help them." Oh, you emphasize them to be happy or you've the character strengths you're good at. I understand that they don't work. All you need is that something Frankl offers and the same thing I've offered. "Look here, no matter how horrible life is worth living there is intrinsic value in life." Life can be transformed, that's magic, magic! I'm suggesting that your ability

to make meaning to transform negative events into positive events is only limited by your faith and limited by your imagination, okay? There's nothing that cannot be transformed. The Bible says so, psychological research says so, and I say so. That's there's meaning. Now, meaning is also important to develop and discover your meaning and purpose in life. I've recently made clear that if your life has direction, no purpose you just don't have the passion, don't have energy to move forward, right

? But the question is, oh, I skipped, can I go back one step? How to go back? Thank you my sweet Austin. Oh, thank you, you're so smart. I'm a big tease, it's dangerous around me. I'm a dangerous man, remember that. See, my son's address, please don't mention my name, I'm very shy, so I mentioned his name now. So, this is the thing I'm saying is that you don't have a purpose, but what purpose? See, it is the quality of your choice. Is your choice praiseworthy? Is your choice commendable? Does yo

ur choice have a positive value in life? So, I developed a meaningful mindset orientation. Next slide, see, most people are concerned about failure or success. I'm telling you if your basic orientation is success you'll be sorry. If you do not succeed you'll experience desolation, you'll be still unfulfilled because the human desire, inner greed can never be, can never be satisfied and also one person succeeds, hundreds of thousands fail, on the roadside. So that is, see my client, he's depresse

d, you're unhappy because they live to have success. Now, the vertical line invented by Viktor Frankl, we've a lot of friends from logotherapy, right? He said if you're able to switch from success to failure dimension to meaning fulfillment dimension your life much better even when you fail. That's why I'm going to tell my clients, say, "don't worry about people laughing at you, people marginalizing you, you fail. The important thing is that you do something that matters to you, right? Now I als

o developed the deep and wide hypothesis. Now who is the woman who developed build and? What's her name, huh? She's a very famous woman. A: Barbara Fredrickson. P: Barbara? A: Fredrickson. P: Fredrickson, is a build and what's the theory? A: Broaden and build P: Broaden and build, so she became very famous because her theory says that when you're happy you're able to broaden your soul and build relationships. There's one thing I leave with her I say, "Barbara, you story is half the story. The re

al deal is deep and wide." The negative emotion, adversity is more powerful than positive emotions. Negative emotions deepen your resources, deepen your faith, talk to your character, you know? It has a deepening effect. And also wide means increase your exploration, increase your creativity. Now, do you know famous saying is that, what's that? Is that adversity is the father of reinvention and need and necessity is the mother of invention. Have you, if you. Do you know about Chinese history? I

mean, many refugees, see, I'm one of the refugee when I went to Hong Kong before the Communist officers came. There were so many refugees that came into Hong Kong no job, no nothing, but though poverty they've the energy that furnished their development. Many of the poor refugees became millionaires, billionaires. And even now, every time China goes through an economic downturn the government is smart, the government loosen their control, depend on people to rise up to create wealth, create jobs

. So, I'm saying that I've done all the research experiments, finding for you, but if you put though people or rats expose them to adversity you gradually, at a gradual level they can do amazing things. I was able to teach rats how to count. I was able to teach rats to be creative. I mean, I've an article in Neuroscience that when you're going to teach rats complex tasks their brain function differently. And then their REM sleep ten times more than rats that learn a more simpler task. So, advers

ity makes your brain more powerful, makes your learning capacity more powerful. So, every stop in your life has shaped you into what you are, okay? Here's the point, I'll demonstrate that everybody has a breaking point. Everybody is just happiness, everybody has a set for happiness. Similarly, everybody has a breaking point based on your experience, your genetic makeup. What is the point? You see, once I've trained rats to press the bar once for a pellet. Then I moved it to ten, they'll press it

ten times for the pellet. The breaking point for rats, some rats are able to press a hundred times for one lousy pellet. Now, those rats are special. They've a high tolerance for frustration, so we should be able to train our children to have a high tolerance for frustration and a high breaking point. Now, I'm saying that the key to resilience is meaning, okay? If you find meaning in suffering. If you have something worth fighting for, worth dying for you're able to tolerate a lot. Number five,

you have to be willing to be a fool for your ideas. Fool? Yes, for something that really matters. First Corinthians chapter four, I can't read the full chapter for you, go read it now, okay? When you want to talk about the bible chapter you come to see me, ask for Pastor Wong. Now, here's the thing, I've made a fool of myself all the time, even now I've made a fool of myself. If you are not willing to make a fool of yourself that means you are not willing to sacrifice anything for something of

value, okay? Now, here is my favourite character Don Quixote. Do you know this book, I don't know if you'll agree with me at the latest survey. This is the most popular novel in August. Don Quixote, now you know that why is this stupid story so popular? Because it resonates with people. I mean this guy wanted to killing against the windmills, you know, it's a hopeless job, right? But he’s still on his little donkey with his friend to pursue ideals that's what inspired us, this is what life is al

l about. You fight against injustice, you fight against poverty, you fight against diseases, cancer, right? Sometimes it's an impossible task, but if you really believe in that he'll really fight back. Now, here's another fool, everybody knows the story? The old fool tried to move a mountain. Now, if you lived in China, you'll know that transportation from one village to another village you'll have to go through very dangerous paths to go to another city. So, this old man said, "I want to move t

he mountains so that my children can move from the village to the City without wasting their lives climbing in the mountains going through narrow paths with a shovel for the snow with a rock, what do you call that? Huh? A tool to, a poor old man, people laughed at him and say, "what do you want to do?" " I want to move the mountain." "Silly old man." He's just a little old man, look at him. Oh, I've two children, eh? Austin and Wesley, they can come help this little old man anytime, but their ch

ildren later on. He wanted to eventually move the mountain. So, that story is famous in China because of the collective power, but the commitment to do something good for the villagers. Now, here's the next fool, Hudson Taylor, he's crazy. Look at him. Doesn't look like a Chinese, doesn't look like a Westerner, he's crazy, but he now has a centre under his name, Hudson Taylor. Do you know why I admired him? At a time when China was dangerous for Westerners, the folks were not friendly, right? So

, they killed missionaries, but this guy was willing to go to the remote, remote areas of China to preach the Gospel because he said, "he loved the people, he was a fool for God's sake." Now lesson six, meaningful living is costly, but worthwhile. On my facebook for meaningful living has this: "Don't ask if it is going to be easy ask if it's going to be worth it." Now, in America it's called 'The Happiness Project'. How to be happy. Happiness is easy to sell, everyone wants happiness, right? But

if you're challenging people to live a meaningful life that's more difficult because it's more costly, right? Now, the secret of meaningful living is to give your life away. Now, I don't think my American friends got this. What is that it? What is it called? See, but anyways, American psychology talks about, "oh, to have meaning if you have something bigger than yourself in order to be happy." The whole thing is that you will really pursue something bigger than yourself you're not concerned abo

ut happiness you have to give yourself away. You know I've invited the meaningful living group, I've invited them into my home. I never expect anything in return. I'm not doing it for my happiness, I thought I could spread a message, but happiness comes from life's backdoor. Can you stand up? All the meaningful living group people? Come on, stand up. All these beautiful people, look at them. This is just a small part, I have 20 people in the meaningful living group. I have seen their life change

. Where's, where's Dan? Dan S. when he first come in, he sit in the corner, he's so shy, he looked sad, you know, he flowered, he flourished. He's the example of what the meaningful living group does to you. He can come and tell you, when you have a bible you can learn more. Now, also they say something big then you can be happy, but that isn't anything bigger than God. You cannot have somebody bigger. And that is the meaningful living group. Number seven, you should have a vision that's worth l

iving, that's worth dying for. My mission is serving God and others with psychology, what's yours? Conclusion, okay? My life, majority, is not one of searching for success and happiness, but the quest for meaning and spirituality. My life story can be summed up to a life of redemption, okay? And my friend Nelson Mandela, "you'll never realize your impossible dream. You'll never realize your impossible dream until you are willing to sacrifice everything to achieve it." So If you have a dream and

you're unwilling to pay the price you'll never achieve it, okay? So, my last image is faith in God. My last legacy is to leave a good memory for my friends and family. I hope the memory of this event will be with you through time. Thank you.