South Indian vs Hindi | Indian Stand Up Comedy | Navin Kumar

I was watching a Stand up Comedy video on youtube recently And then I saw a comment on the video By a handle named @feminist_boy_manoj And the comment read “What is this habit of Stand Up Comedians using abusive words to get laughter? Act responsible guys. Remember, women are also watching these videos” And I also saw a reply to the comment By a handle named @lalitha_19111954 And the reply read “Chup Kar Madarchod” Best thing I have seen on the internet so far Also I perform in English, I don’t

perform in Hindi Because I am not a Star Plus kind of a guy I am more of a Sun TV kind of a guy That's what I am (One guy continues laughing thinking about Suryavamsam movie) Do you watch it a lot sir? I come from this small town in Tamil Nadu Called ‘Chenna’i, if you guys know about it That’s the problem, whenever I come out of Chennai A lot of people think I am a moron So I always tell them, “No. I am an oxymoron” Because I am a Tamilian who can speak Hindi But when I say I know Hindi, I know

Hindi better than most Tamilians do So I am the kind of guy who goes into a Punjabi Dhaba And says “Agali order, Chaar roti chahiye” Mostly in Amitabh Bhachan’s tone Because Kaun Banega Crorepati is the only Hindi show I ever watched in my life When I need six rotis, I can be “Bhaiya, che roti chahiye” My problem really is when I need twelve rotis Because that is when I have to say “Bhaiyaaa… Ek dho roti chahiye” (Audience laughing longer than he expected) Okay relax (Audience laughing more) Se

e, you cannot blame me because That is how the railway station ladies taught me Hindi For some reason it is always “Agali gaadi number Dho-Shoonya-Ek-Chaar aa gaya hai” That too with an orgasm every time she says it. (Doing poor orgasmic impression of the same numbers) Why can’t they just fucking call it “Dho hazaar….” Whatever. You Hindi speaking people in the house Have you ever used the word ‘Shoonya’ in any of your day to day conversations? No right? It is not just with Hindi Even when a Tam

ilian says his phone number in Tamil It is always like ‘Onbadhu-Ezhu-Ettu-ZERO-naalu-moonu-ZERO’ Just because we Indian invented zero it become an official word in every damn Indian language The funniest thing is, for a very long time I thought the phrase ‘Ugly gaadi’ meant the train is going to be very dirty Which is apparently always true right? I thought it was a disclaimer from the Railways department Saying “Our trains are f**king ugly, please don’t enter it” Hindi is one language which a

lways embarrasses me man. I used to work for this company called Amazon And before you guys get any judgemental I used to work as a Software Engineer there. I have to tell this because the last time I told a lady I work for Amazon She was like “Ooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!” “Which area do you take care of?” Happens when you look like a real estate agent. I used to go to office in my office cab regularly And one fine day a pretty North Indian lady was sitting next to me And like an ass, I wanted to impress

her with my Hindi So I spoke to the cab waala saying “Bhaiya seedha chalthe, signal ke aage, left se rukho” And for some reason she smiled at me and said “No language would help you bro, just shut up!” It is not like I don’t try to learn the language of Hindi That is why most of the times I go to my Hindi speaking colleagues And try to create small talks with them Like asking them “Kya bhai, Kaisa hey aap” But as a Tamilian I expect them to understand me and come up with simple replies Like “Ac

ha hai” “Bahuth acha hai” Or if they are not so happy, they can say “Acha nahi hai” But that is when this guy wants to mess up with me Comes up with big ass dialogues like “Ek gaav mein ek kisaan rakuthatha ki, Kabhi Kushi kabhi gam khi, Saala kaadoos ki, Ache din aane waale hai” And then I have to go “Acha hai” And then I just walk away (But most times, deep inside I am like ‘Ommaley’) Not even staying there. With this level of Hindi I had the audacity to Gurgaon. I was hungry, I went to this f

ood centre called Haldirams It was a self service counter, so I got my food coupon And then I gave my token to the food counter And I was waiting for my turn to be called And then I realised that these guys were shouting out token numbers in Hindi And my token number was ‘Eight hundred and Eighty eight’ Immediately I was like “I am going to starve tonight. Let me be ready” But I didn’t want to give up. So I took out my google translator And typed ‘888’ in numbers, and then I said “Translate to H

indi” And google said ‘888’(in numbers). I was like “Google is stupid man” So I tried to be specific I typed “Eight hundred and eighty eight” in English And translated it and google said ‘Aat sau assi aat’ For the next five minutes, my goal was to remember it So I started reciting “Aat sau assi aat,Aat sau assi aat, Aat sau assi aat” The guys was like “Aat sau pachpan” I was like “NO. Aat sau assi aat,Aat sau assi aat, Aat sau…” The guy was like “Aat sau Athiban” I was like “NO. Aat sau assi aat

,Aat sau assi aat, Aat sau…” Athiban is not a number, it is just my friend’s name Five minutes later my turn came out and the guy shouted “Token number Aat-aat-aat” These railway station ladies man, I hate them! I like talking about languages Because language is one thing that unites us at the same time divides us. I know this because I am a Tamilian who lives in Bangalore And my roommate in Bangalore is a Kannadiga, from Karnataka Sometimes he tells me “Navin, you are in Karnataka, you should l

earn Kannada” Which I completely empathise with That is why I always tell him “Dude, I will definitely learn Kannada, once I am done with Java and Python” Because if I am not going to learn Java and Python I am not going to be in the Silicon Valley of India to learn Kannada in the first place right? But this is why I like South Indian metropolitan cities in general Because people from different parts of the country come and live here Be it Bombay or Bangalore Sometimes even people from outside t

he country live here I think that is why there are very less road rages in these cities Because most of the time if you have to fight with another person on the streets The common language is English And we Indians are good at a lot of things Fighting in English is not one among them That is why the maximum quarrel you can see in English is One guy saying “Fuck you” And another guy saying “You fuck you” And then both of them fuck off That is the end of the quarrel, nobody gets hurt I have been i

n fights, I have never been like “Hey, I am going to kill you, carve your chest up with a knife, use your skin as furniture covers, make a necklace out of both of your ears and screw your skull through one your eyeballs” Thanks for laughing at that man It took me three weeks to by heart that one dialogue Had to download the script of Django Unchained Sometimes even NRIs who come back from UK and western countries Even they can’t fight in English Firstly I don’t know why they have this American d

ream, a lot of people go to the US Because I recently went to the US to realise that there is not much difference between India and these western countries Except this one thing called the usage of toilet paper And when I went there I had no difficulty on how to use a toilet paper. Thanks to all the YouTube videos I watched That’s how you learn things in the internet era, I am sorry But once I was done with all the basic etiquettes My real confusion was whether to throw the used paper Into the d

ustbin or into the toilet commode Because think about it, traditionally in India all the waste paper goes to the dustbin And all the shit goes to the toilet commode And this thing in my hand is a very weird combination That is why most of the times I was there I just dropped it on the floor and just ran away I was just clever I didn’t use the same loo twice on the same day I also met a friend there, a school friend of mine who has been living there for three years And he consistently had this fa

ke accent, like how people have it At one point I got really annoyed So I slapped him and said, “Dude, Talk properly” And he shouted, “OMG! Did you just slap me?” And that is when I realised he was desperately trying to be an American Because only Americans can do that shit Getting slapped by a person and asking the same person “Did you just slap me?” Any Indians response to a slap is a slap back or a swear word But this guys response was a rhetorical question I became angry, I slapped him again

And this time he started sounding like an African dude “Yo man, please don’t hit me like that!”(In poor African accent) So I slapped him again And then he started sounding like a Sheikh from Saudi Arabia And that is when I realised that with every slap This guy is actually coming back to his home country One slap at a time The last time I slapped him so hard He became so Indian that he started chasing me shouting “Lavadekebal” And then I had to run for my life But I was talking about road rages

Because I recently got into a road rage in Bangalore I was on my bike and I dashed into this car And I immediately realised it was my mistake So I was ready to apologise to this guy So I came out my bike And this guy came out of his car The problem is even before starting to listen to me He started shouting at me in Hindi And I was like “If you are going to shout at me in your mother tongue I am going to shout at you in my mother tongue” And I started shouting at him in Tamil Which went on for

the next two minutes After which both of us realised This is not helping either of us Why are we even doing this? He also probably realised it So he was like, “Dude, can we fight in English? Because I don’t know Kannada” I understand The South Indian in me got furious I wanted to tell him “Dude this is not Kannada, this is Tamil These are very different South Indian languages” But the Bangalorean in me told him something That I always wanted to tell people in Bangalore So I looked at his straigh

t into his eyes I told him, “This is Karnataka, you should learn Kannada” He was like “Sure, Thank you man and got into the car” Alright guys, that’s been my time, you guys have been a fantastic audience. Thanks for listening!